Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of executive

coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to

be perceived. I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach,

and today we're talking about creating safety for hard talks.

Danielle was reluctant to broach the elephant in the room with her boss Carrie. Weeks ago Carrie had offered her a substantial change in position.

The benefits attached to this offer were significant, but there were downsides too, it would

mean leaving her international post, which she adored, and she would have to take on more management functions and have fewer leadership

functions. She was torn.

Now, at the U.S. corporate headquarters for one of her periodic two-week whirlwinds, she and Carrie had been together a lot, and they

had talked about a lot of things, but amazingly neither of them had brought up the offer.

Danielle and I had stolen time off her calendar to get together for lunch.

She and I often got together during her headquarters visits.

I'd coached her many years earlier just before she took the international position.

But those conversations rarely held the urgency this did.

Now, precious days were ticking by, and the avoidance was becoming a distraction.

She said,

I just have to talk with him about it before I go back.

It'll be ridiculous if I don't.

What's stopping you I asked from just bringing it up I don't know I guess because I

know how uncomfortable he gets during those sorts of talks I've've seen it. He stops listening and he

agrees to almost anything just so he can get out of there, but the agreements

don't stand up later, so everything has to get discussed again. I'd rather

...