And hello to you and welcome to this little Friday top-up of the Richard Nichols podcast.

Just five minutes or so today, but hopefully it'll give you something to reflect on, something helpful.

Because today I want to talk about something that comes up a lot in therapy.

And that's the idea of unmet needs. Not physical needs like food and shelter, but emotional ones.

The sort we all needed when we were kids, but might not have fully got things like safety,

choice, limits, the chance to express how we feel, and of course, just being a bit silly now and again.

You see, there are five core emotional needs that psychologists often come back to.

And when one or more of them are missing, the hole it leaves doesn't just disappear. It tends to stick

around. It shapes how we see ourselves, how we relate to others, and even the way we handle stress.

So, let's look at them briefly. And I'll mention the sorts of personality traits and beliefs that can develop when these needs go unmet, just so you can start maybe connecting the dots for yourself.

The first one is secure attachment. Now, if we grow up with caregivers who are responsive and consistent, we get to feel safe.

We trust people. We believe that we matter. But if that didn't happen, it might have left us

with beliefs like, I'm on my own. I have to protect myself. And that can look like anxiety, emotional detachment or pushing

people away just when things are getting close. Maybe you've noticed that in yourself, that part that

wants connection, but also panics at the thought of it. If that rings true, one thing to try is asking,

what would safety feel like in a relationship? And then slowly, really slowly, begin letting that

in. Second is autonomy, the freedom to be your own person. If you weren't allowed to make choices or try

things out as kids, we might grow up believing that we're incapable, that we'll mess everything up.

And that can show up as perfectionism, or maybe the opposite, never really trying, because we're

scared to fail. Some people swing the other way

and become overly defiant, rejecting anything that looks like control. But autonomy can be

rebuilt. One small decision at a time. You pick what you want for dinner. You speak up about something minor. It all counts.

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