Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Baylor F. Jessie Thorn. This week,

Cock-All-Ban!

Gideon brings the case against his wife Cynthia. He and their son have been raising

chickens in the backyard. Cynthia is upset that the chickens have destroyed her garden.

She says they need to be better contained. Gideon wants them to remain free range.

Who's right? Who's wrong? Only one man can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the

courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference. At the time, my experience with farm animal

killing had been limited to chickens. Together with two other families, I've killed hundreds of them.

Killing any animal is not something to be taken lightly, but I've found that I have no real conflict

with chicken killing. After 12 weeks of voracious consumption, meatbirds are ready to go their

purpose served. At least that's the story I prefer to tell myself. With pigs, that story starts

to fall apart. And quote, Baylor of Jessie Thorn, please swear them in. Please rise and raise your

right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,

so help you God or whatever? Yes, I do. I do. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling,

despite the fact that ain't nobody can fence him in? Yes. Yes. Very well, Judge Hodgman.

Give me land, lots of land, and the starry skies above. Don't fence me in. I know that song.

Thanks, Jessie. You're welcome. Now it's picking my head. My little holiday gift to you, friend.

Gideon and Cynthia, you may be seated for an immediate summary judgment in one of your's favors.

Can either of you guess the piece of culture that I referenced as I entered the courtroom,

Cynthia? Let's start with you. I cannot. I know, but you have to make a guess that's part of the fun.

Okay. For me, probably exclusively for me. Chicken run. Chicken run. Oh, I wish I had thought of that one.

That is a great movie by the Ardmore studio, unfortunately featuring the voice of Mel Gibson.

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