4.7 • 3.8K Ratings
🗓️ 30 January 2024
⏱️ 25 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
"Mine! No, he can't touch that!" Does this sound familiar? No worries. In their early years, children commonly go through phases of possessiveness that can seem totally unreasonable and extreme. They may want everything their sibling or peer shows interest in and try to take it. They refuse to share.
In this episode, Janet explains why this behavior actually makes sense and what we can do to help kids pass through these phases readily and in a healthy manner. She illustrates by addressing a question from a parent about his 5-year old’s incessant impulse to protect his territory and possessions from his baby brother. While he and his wife try to maintain an understanding, respectful approach to the behavior by acknowledging his feelings and his space, they're perplexed by their son's demands which seem unreasonable and often nonsensical. Worse, he can act aggressively toward his sibling, which is alarming. Janet offers specific advice and verbal examples for handling “mine” and other controlling behavior between siblings and peers.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
Her best-selling books No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame and Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, and Google Play.
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0:00.0 | Wundery Plus subscribers can listen to Unruffled ad free right now. |
0:05.0 | Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery App or on Apple Podcasts. |
0:09.0 | Hi, this is Janet Landsbury. Welcome to Unruffled. |
0:16.0 | Today I'm going to be responding to a parent who asked about their child's possessiveness |
0:22.0 | and one sort of general bit of advice |
0:25.0 | that this reminds me of |
0:27.0 | is that a wonderful way to figure out |
0:30.0 | what's going on with our children |
0:31.0 | and what they need from us and how to help behavior shift or at least |
0:36.1 | understand it is to imagine ourselves in our child's shoes. Reminding |
0:41.8 | ourselves that our young children are new to the world. |
0:46.0 | Everything is fresh. They don't have these preconceived notions about not sharing, possessiveness, stealing, all of these things. |
0:55.6 | They don't understand what any of this is. |
0:59.2 | And this is to their benefit, actually, |
1:02.0 | that they don't have all these judgments in their head about how other children are supposed to behave, how they're supposed to behave. |
1:09.0 | Yes, they need our guidance, for sure. |
1:12.0 | But if we can guide from a place of that kind of empathy or imagination really, |
1:19.1 | it's us imagining what it's like to have this fresh perspective that they have. |
1:25.0 | That's how we'll be able to be truly attuned to them, to really see them, |
1:31.0 | and help them feel the comfort of being seen. |
1:35.0 | So with that kind of introduction, here's the question I received in an email. |
1:40.0 | Dear Janet, lately my wife and I have been struggling with how to maintain a respectful |
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