Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about the conversations that matter most in relationships.

So you and your partner both love animals, baseball, and long walks at sunset.

That's great.

But if you think that having things in common is the key to a happy relationship, think again.

Because actually the best relationships happen when both partners know how to address their

differences in a way that supports each other's needs and dreams.

How do you do that? By talking about it.

So whether you're newly in love and just getting to really know each other, or you've been

together for years and want to reinvigorate your connection, here's some essential conversations

you need to have that can bring you and your partner a lifetime of love.

First, what does trust and commitment mean to each of you? Think about it. Trust is not only cherishing each other, but showing your partner that you can be counted on. Commitment, on the other

hand, means accepting your partner exactly as they are, despite their flaws. So have a conversation

about how you can make each other feel safe and accepted. What are your thoughts on the subject?

What do you agree on? Next, it's a total myth to believe that happy couples get along all the time.

Conflict happens in every single relationship. There's no

escaping it. And we each deal with conflict differently. So share your thoughts on how you each handle

conflict and then decide how you want to approach it as a couple when arguments happen. Money is

another crucial subject. And although you might think money issues are about money, they're not.

They're about our dreams, fears, and inadequacies.

So sitting down and talking in detail about what money means to each of you

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