Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about having a positive perspective.

When you think about your partner, do you think about how they don't help out around the

house, or about a fight you recently had? Or do you fond you think about how they don't help out around the house, or about a fight you

recently had? Or do you fondly think about a special day, or how much they mean to you? The difference

is how positively or negatively you view your partner. Positive sentiment override, or the positive

perspective is something that you can work on every day. Having a positive

perspective of your partner and your relationship can help you problem solved during conflicts

and you'll likely make more repair attempts like doing or saying something to de-escalate a conflict.

And in general, you'll see your partner in a more positive light. On the flip side, negative sentiment override or the negative perspective can distort your view of your partner.

To the point where positive or neutral experiences are perceived as negative, couples in the negative perspective don't give each other the benefit of the doubt.

So how can you maintain a positive perspective of your partner in your

relationship? You can start by letting your partner influence you. And here's what we mean by that.

When you have irresolvable problems in your relationship, which everyone does, you can either

hold that against your partner or accept what you can't change. When you accept your partner,

you also accept their influence when talking about problems. That means being interested in their

opinions when it comes to issues in a relationship. You don't try to convince your partner to see

things your way all the time. You can also increase your fondness and admiration. An easy way to do

this is by letting your partner know

at least one thing each day that you appreciate about them. What are they adding to your life?

Whatever it is, let them know. A third way to keep your relationship and the positive perspective

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