Welcome to Let It Be Easy with Susie Moore.

Let's talk today, my friends, about something called contingent self-esteem.

Now, self-esteem is something that we talk about a lot in self-coaching society.

And what self-esteem is and how it shows up, we interpret differently.

It's as if we feel as if our self-esteem is good on days when we feel good, when life is working out.

And then the self-esteem suddenly evaporates when

there's a mistake. Maybe when you think that you've messed up, maybe you're not invited to that

event. Maybe you see people doing things that are cooler than you or they feel further ahead

in their lives. And then all of a sudden, your self-esteem goes out the window. This is what it

means to have contingent self-esteem versus authentic self-esteem. Authentic self-esteem, in short,

is feeling good no matter what is going on on the outside of your life, whether people love you or not,

whether you're invited or not, whether you have the most impressive outfit or not, whether you've

had a good business year or not. When our self-esteem is contingent on life going well,

it is exhausting.

When you live your life and measure how you feel based on outcomes, maybe it's likes,

maybe it's cash in the bank, maybe it's your productivity, maybe it's how your body looks,

it's different for everybody.

You don't actually possess authentic self-esteem. You are borrowing it, renting it, let's say,

from temporary results. And if that's you, if you only tend to feel good when life is working well in air quotes, when things are just going swimmingly, even if it's just for a short period.

Aren't you tired? Oh, I've lived this way. When my value has felt conditional to me on being

a top employee, on being an awesome friend, on being someone who is always having fun, on someone

who's always making moves.

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