Conspiracy Theories Get WEIRD! Flat Earths, AI Takeovers and Robot Birds!
The Therapy Crouch
Therapy Crouch
4.7 • 3.7K Ratings
🗓️ 12 May 2026
⏱️ 50 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
On today’s episode of The Therapy Crouch, the Portugal adventures continue as Abbey and Peter settle into holiday life with VERY mixed results. Peter gives us the dramatic rundown after suffering a painful defeat on the tennis court while Abbey reveals she’s been volunteering at an incredible animal rescue centre in the Algarve and may have fallen in love with another dog… again.
Elsewhere, Pete finally gets his hands on Abbey’s GCSE certificates after years of doubting her straight A claims, but is he convinced they’re actually real?! We also dive into some absolutely bizarre conspiracy theories involving Flat Earth believers, robot birds, AI taking over the world and whether Bill Gates is secretly behind EVERYTHING.
In the Agony Abs, we hear from a listener whose mother-in-law keeps secretly rearranging her house and another who’s completely horrified by her husband’s “helicopter” habits after showering…
If you want to submit an Agony Ab to the podcast - hit the link below
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1rAKDST4HU_8al_aWpOlys3TRJrWvDV-84piVdlOOjU4/edit
00:00 Introduction
01:05 Pete’s Brutal Tennis Defeat
04:35 Abbey’s Emotional Animal Rescue Story
10:20 Abbey’s “Straight A” GCSE Results Exposed
13:35 Abbey’s Secret Pop Star Dreams
14:05 “Blue Jobs” & Relationship Rules
15:00 Portugal Reset & Family Time
15:30 Would You Rather: Meet Dave
17:20 Mother-In-Law House Drama
20:10 The Helicopter Husband Confession
23:20 Reuniting With A School Bully
25:55 Conspiracy Theory Special Begins
26:20 “Birds Aren’t Real” Debate
27:55 Bill Gates & Tick Conspiracies
29:10 Flat Earth Theory Explained
32:40 AI Is Taking Over The World
33:15 Abbey Has Never Owned A Laptop
34:05 Was The Moon Landing Fake?!
35:55 Pete Questions Space Travel
39:30 Final Conspiracy Thoughts
50:20 Wrapping Up
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Do you just say listeners, this is complete... |
| 0:02.0 | I'm not gonna lie about GCSEs. |
| 0:04.0 | You literally doing it to one-based levels? Hi Abbey and Pete and Gaz. Every time he gets a shower, he feels compelled to do the helicopter dance. Balls are funny, aren't they? Just... hell no. You know we were talking about conspirators. Birds aren't real. Oh, shut off. Shut off. |
| 0:20.0 | Flat earth theory, obviously with your three A stars in science, you'd be able to tell us... |
| 0:24.0 | I'm not Christopher Columbus. Obligado! Hello, and welcome to the therapy crouch with me, Abby Clancy. And me, Peter Crouch. And me, Gaz. How are we guys? Good. You look like a bit of a tan there, Gaz. I think of course. |
| 0:37.8 | One day in. |
| 0:38.5 | One day in the sun. |
| 0:39.3 | Already glowing. |
| 0:40.3 | I know. |
| 0:40.8 | Dressed like the Cuban Pimp again. |
| 0:42.0 | I do apologize. |
| 0:50.3 | I can't. I can't leave the linens alone. It's in you. It's in you. It's in the minute you go into sunshine You just think it's got to be linen |
| 0:51.7 | I think so, yeah |
| 0:52.5 | I don't know what I think I am |
| 0:53.6 | No linen's good |
| 0:54.6 | A good option in the sun |
| 0:55.8 | No I think it's a great option to yourself |
| 0:57.0 | But you could go for shorts |
| 0:58.1 | Yeah sunshine you just think it's got to be linen. I think so, yeah. I don't know who I think I am. No, linen's a good option in the sun. |
| 0:56.0 | No, I think it's a great option to yourself, but you could go for shorts. |
| 0:58.3 | Yeah, you look more comfortable than I do, to be fair. Yeah, I just come straight from a highly intense tennis match. That's why I'm dressed like this. How did it go? well it didn't really go to plan |
| 1:09.0 | if I'm being totally honest |
... |
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