So in this example, if we could take one of the defenses and kind of really play it out,

let's say forget. Forgetting is a interesting defense, right? Because we all do it. I mean,

my memory is not what it used to be. So we all forget, right? And so we can just stop there,

just say, oh, sorry, I forgot. So that's a way of us engaging in a defense without self-awareness.

And I don't mean every single time you forget, you need to do this. But if you tend to be

forgetting important things or forgetting what your partner talked about, or there's a lot of

forgetting happening, if you don't slow down and think about the use of that forgetting.

Because instead, we use it as an end goal. Sorry, I forgot. Rather than being curious,

why is it that I can't seem to remember the really important things that somebody asked of me

at the grocery store? There's a good chance that you're allowing distraction and distractability

to be part of the whole process. Like you're not actually present and part of the defense where we

get back to the avoidance. To be present might be more threatening than you think. So we say

distracted and we forget because to be present and really take you in is super overwhelming.

So instead, I stay distracted and then I live in the excuse that I forgot. And then nobody

can get mad at me if I forgot. If I forget your birthday or forget to do something, nobody can be

mad at me. But you have to really really approach your own defense system of distraction and not

actually being present to begin with. Welcome to Therapist Uncensored. Building on decades of

professional experience, this podcast tackles neurobiology, modern attachment, and more,

in an honest way that's helpful in healing humans. Your session begins now with Dr. Anne Kelly in

Sumariat. So we're going to jump into the last part of our series disarming human defenses.

We kicked off this series by asking listeners out there for those of you that heard it and that was

to get some feedback, to think about what it is that you can recognize in yourself as some of your

...