Even if you’re providing family caregiving to your loved one, there might come a time when you realize that you simply cannot handle everything all the time. Whether your parents’ needs have increased significantly, but you want to make sure they remain at home, or your career and family life have become more demanding, you might find that it’s time to hire a professional caregiver.

There are many benefits to having professional home care services. Unlike assisted living facilities and nursing homes, where a full-time staff balances your loved one’s care with a sea of others, home care staff are there for your loved one and only your loved one. That means that your loved one receives undivided attention – which can be truly invaluable.

You also get to choose when the caregiver comes and how long they stay. Having professional home care services gives you flexibility and can come just while you are at work during the day or they can stay through the night – it all depends on what your parent or grandparents’ needs are, and the level of care you are able to give.

Not only that, but having professional caregivers can help your parent maintain independence. Many seniors are more comfortable living at their own homes, especially when their care is personalized to their needs – so if your parent doesn’t need assistance with every task, they can continue to perform those tasks on their own.

At the same time, some seniors simply do not wish for their adult children to care for them. They might not feel comfortable relying on their children to bathe or dress them, or they want to be looked after by a professional. Regardless of the reason, professional home care can help a parent feel better about their care if they don’t want their adult children so intimately involved.

With professional home care, their staff will also be trained to help with tasks that might be difficult for family members with little to no experience. They are trained in providing transportation, helping with housekeeping and cooking, bathing and dressing, and other needs. This can ease some of the anxiety family caregivers might feel about tasks that seem particularly difficult or uncomfortable. They can also offer respite to family caregivers who just need a break from time to time.

Finally, professional home care services can be more cost efficient than moving seniors into a facility. According to AARP, there are more than 2.3 million US workers who provide in-home care and health care for seniors – and that number is expected to grow as the population of 65-and-older increases in the next decade.

With that many caregivers, you can rest assured that the right person for your loved one is out there. Of course, this isn’t an easy transition, and you don’t want to hire just anyone. We’ll go into detail about how to hire the ideal caregiver for your loved one, but first, keep in mind that you can always replace your caregiver if they’re not a good fit.

Many people think that they’re stuck with whoever the company sends that day – but that’s truly not the case. If the caregiver isn’t a good fit for your parent, you do have the power to find a replacement. Still, we recommend giving the relationship time to develop. Caregivers need time to adjust to your parents’ routine and your parent needs time to adjust to your caregiver – so if you want a replacement simply because the transition’s been a little bumpy, we do recommend giving it some time.

When it comes to hiring a professional home care company and their staff, make sure that you share with the Case Manager that you want someone who could be a good friend to your loved one. The relationship between caregiver and senior is extremely important for more reasons than physical care. Excellent caregivers will provide your loved one with emotional care through socialization, activities, and – most importantly – friendship. That friendship can mean the difference between a high quality of life and feelings of deep isolation. Friendship gives life meaning – it gives people hope, laughter, and security. So, remember not to underplay the importance of finding someone who can mesh well with your loved one on a personal level.

When it comes to finding the right home care company, start by assessing what your loved one can afford. Do they have long-term care insurance? Medicaid? These types of insurance do not always cover in-home care, unless a doctor confirms that it is needed or their long-term care insurance covers it. Look closely at your loved one’s plan to find out. There is a chance you will have to pay out of pocket for this service, so make sure there are savings available. If not, you might need to band family members together to help or look into volunteer services that could only provide part-time care.

Next, think about what your loved one’s needs actually are. Include your loved one in this conversation. If they are still relatively independent, it might be wise to ease them into this transition with part-time care. Ask them how much care they would like to have. What’s something that they could genuinely use help with? Housework? Cooking? Mobility? Personal Care? Then assess whether full time or part-time care would be a better option.

If you are providing family care to your loved one, then you might need to hire a caregiver to come while you’re at work or to give you a break on the weekends or evenings. In that case, you might ask the company what their rates are if they were to come 9-5 Monday through Friday, or 9-5 Saturday and Sunday.

Have your parent write down their likes and dislikes – from activities to personality traits – to help you find a perfect match. Is your parent an avid reader who loves to discuss books or is she more of a movie person? Does your parent like to spend his free time drawing or going for walks?

In addition to basic interests, consider your parents’ passions and the lives they have led so far. If your parent was an architect, for example, they might enjoy the company of a caregiver with an interest in architecture. If your parent is a musician, they would enjoy the company of someone who is passionate about music.

Next, you’ll need to decide whether to use an agency or a registry. Agencies can be a bit costlier, but their workers are insured (so you won’t have to pay for any accidents that might occur on the job), the workers have undergone background checks and are highly trained, agencies will hand pick caregivers that have experience working with people similar to your loved one, and you don’t have to worry about a ton of extra paperwork. They also will match your loved ones traits, needs, and interests with the caregiver that shares those interest to help make the connection easier. The home care provider will do what they can to match your loved one with the right fit, and you can always replace the caregiver if they don’t mesh well with your loved one.

It is not recommended to hire someone privately due to the liabilities and risks associated with it. For instance, you will also be liable for any on-the-job accidents that might occur and you’ll also need to consider what your backup plan is if that person has to quit or starts to make unreasonable requests from the family to continue their employment with them. If the family decides that hiring someone privately is the route that they are going to take then make sure to speak with an attorney about protections that they will need to prevent any liability issues that can arise from a private caregiver.

There are certain traits you can look for in a potential caregiver that should mean they will do a wonderful job. These traits include patience, reliability, flexibility, and empathy. These are key components of caregiving that will mean the difference between a fantastic caregiver and a mediocre one.  

When you do find the right home care company or if you’ve decided on choosing a private caregiver on your own, who feels like a good fit, allow for a transitionary period of at least a few weeks before you decide that the relationship isn’t working. Remember, this is a big adjustment for the caregiver and for your loved one.

Not only do they both need to get used to a new routine, but they’re also adjusting to a new person being around all the time. Many seniors are hesitant to accept a caregiver right away – they might feel their independence is being stripped away and resist, thinking they don’t need as much help as they really do. At the same time, a caregiver might struggle to know exactly what to help your loved one with. It’s important for a balance to be established – so that your loved one can still do some things on her own if she is able and the caregiver knows what to help with and what to let your loved one do for themselves.

This adjustment does take time – so it’s important to be patient. Still, there are ways to strengthen the relationship between caregivers and the person in their care, and to build trust between the two.

The bond between caregiver and senior can be quite meaningful indeed. Rebecca Bodenheimer saw this firsthand with her grandmother. She wrote of the experience on care.com: “In [my grandmother’s] last few years, she developed very close relationships with her professional in-home caregivers to such an extent that I believe these women became her most important confidantes. I noticed the relationships she formed with them were less complicated than those she had with her daughters – with her caregivers, there weren’t decades of emotional baggage getting in the way of providing her with care.”

Indeed, the senior-caregiver relationship is quite unique – which can make it all the more rewarding. Not only is the caregiver spending deeply personal quality time with the person in their care, but their relationship can be simple, happy, and fulfilling when it’s not complicated by family matters.

This bond can be quite beautiful. Many seniors find best friends in their caregivers, feeling comfortable enough to go to them on hard days and laugh with them on good ones. But how does this bond actually form? Like any solid relationship, it certainly doesn’t happen right away.

The transition can be a bit rocky, but there are ways to help the relationship grow before it’s time to consider a replacement. The first thing a caregiver should work on is establishing trust with the person in their care. Trust is arguably the hardest thing to get right in those early weeks – but once it’s established, the rest of the bond will be that much easier to form.

Start establishing trust by easing the transition. The first few times have the caregiver meet with your parent for short visits, where you or another loved one is present. Play games together to break the ice and think of talking points that might bond the two together (for instance, do they both love to paint? Start a conversation about painting, and then maybe pull out the paints for some craft time).

If possible, don’t have the caregiver begin with sensitive issues – like bathing or dressing – right away (in some cases it is necessary and cannot wait). That could make your loved one feel extra vulnerable or uncomfortable, which could make them resent the caregiver. Instead, ease into these tasks. Have the caregiver begin with housework, cleaning, and companionship. Eventually build up to the additional needs.

Have the caregiver and your loved one share a meal, tea, or a walk together in the beginning – this can be an opportunity for conversation, so your parent can have a chance to warm up to the caregiver.

Make sure that your caregiver knows how to handle problems that might arise. Speak with them about how they might respond to meltdowns, falls, or other incidents. If possible, have your loved one describe how they would like these situations to be handled. What triggers bad moods? What should a caregiver avoid that might set your parent off? The more prepared the caregiver is for these incidents the better things will be when they occur. Too often, a caregiver might respond to a problem in a manner that your loved one might not like, which could lead to tension. The better prepared you can all be, the better.

On that note, when choosing a caregiver, make sure you choose someone who is calm, patient, and empathetic. You do not want someone who will grow impatient or frustrated with your loved one. What your loved one needs more than anything else is someone to be a constant figure of safety, support, and encouragement in their life.  When using a home care company they will ask the family and their loved one the traits and characteristics that they would like in their caregiver as part of their assessment and intake.

Positive reinforcement is important all the time, but especially in the beginning. Don’t hesitate to give praise to a caregiver who is doing the right things – this is a difficult job and positive reinforcement will keep a caregiver from feeling discouraged or overly frustrated. Talk to the caregiver about praising your loved one, also. That doesn’t just mean saying “good job,” but it can also be communicated through gestures. Allowing a loved one to wash a dish if they ask to, for instance, and then not rushing them if they take a long time. This can strengthen the caregiver and senior bond because the senior feels like the caregiver trusts them to be somewhat independent.

Respect is essential – from both ends. The family should respect that the caregiver is a person with a life and family of their own. You might expect them to be available all the time, no matter what – but time off will be necessary and emergencies do happen. Have a back-up plan in place in case of cancelation and try to be respectful if your caregiver asks for a rare day off to rest or spend time with her family. When using a home care company the family would work directly with their loved ones Case Manager on any scheduling, wages, or concerns that they may need to address and the Case Manager will handle it with the caregiver.

At the same time, the caregiver should be respectful of your family and your loved one. While she is certainly an important person on an emotional level, she is also a professional employee and needs to stay on top of her work. If the caregiver is slacking on a number of duties, talking back, or treating your loved one with disrespect, this is a bad sign.

Keep communication open. Make sure that the caregiver knows exactly what is expected of her – and that your loved one knows what to expect from her. If the caregiver is told she will only be helping with housework, and then she is asked to do a myriad of other tasks, there might be a problem. At the same time, if the senior is told the caregiver is just there to help with cooking, when in reality she’s been told to assist with everything from medications to bathing, tensions and discomfort can rise fast. When everyone knows exactly what to expect of each other and themselves, things should work out much more smoothly.

Now, if after a month or two the relationship just isn’t working, it might be time to consider a replacement. Remember, replacements are always an option for families, even if you’re going through an agency – so if there are ongoing problems between your loved one and their caregiver, don’t hesitate to take that step.

There are certain warning signs that you can look out for to see if the caregiver is the right fit. This can be easier to detect on a professional level. If your caregiver has cancelled last minute more than one time or consistently arrives late, this is a big red flag. Similarly, if you notice the house isn’t being cleaned, expired food is piling up in the fridge, or other tasks are simply being neglected, it might be time to find a new caregiver. If you’re working with a home care company the Case Manager should also be staying on top of these matters to insure that they are being completed and if they are not then they will speak with the caregiver and address the issue.

Other especially alarming warning signs might be consistent missed medications and doctor appointments, a lack of patience and empathy, and continuous disrespectful behavior.

If you notice that your parent has become more withdrawn since working with their new caregiver – this might be a bad sign. Is your mother hiding in her room instead of participating in activities? Is she resistant to accept any help? This is an instance where your mother might need more time – but if it goes on for weeks or months, then she’s just not connecting with your caregiver, and it might be time to find someone new.

Listen to your parents’ complaints. Most seniors will have complaints about their caregiver no matter what – after all, this is a big adjustment that forces seniors to take down their boundaries and lose some of their independence. That’s why it’s important to hear what exactly they are complaining about. If they are upset about a dinner they didn’t like or an activity they didn’t feel like participating in, this shouldn’t be taken as a reason to find someone new. Simply talk to their caregiver about not cooking that dinner anymore and choosing a new activity.

However, if your parent is complaining that their caregiver is condescending, impatient, or cruel to them – this is not good. The caregiver must treat your loved one with kindness and warmth. If they are beating your loved one down with cold and rude behavior, it’s time for them to go.

Signs of a larger issue include unexplainable new injuries, limited access to your parent, or financial changes (for instance, is your parent loaning her caregiver large amounts of money?) To learn more about this, listen to our episode on protecting seniors from scams. These instances are rare, but they do occur, which is why that initial screening and background check is so very important.

Finding an excellent caregiver for your loved one is certainly not an easy task, but remember, it takes time and patience for meaningful bonds to form. Do what you can to help your loved one bond with their caregiver through ice breakers, empathy, and open communication. At the end of the day, you can always find a replacement if need be – but hopefully, that won’t be necessary.

The best hired caregivers will provide your loved one with their physical needs – but also become a fixture of support and friendship in these precious years of their life. 

We want to thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form there where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone is who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them.

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