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Our first developmental task in life in childhood is to establish a secure base which allows us essentially

the felt sense that there will be people there to help

soothe us and appreciate our efforts and help pick up the pieces when we take developmental

risks, when we take, you know, a child needs to have a sense that a caregiver

will be there to soothe her, to appreciate her efforts that sense that there's somebody in your

corner there's people there that will help you process the emotions that happen after difficult

setbacks that gives you the power to take risks in your life. We all need to have

that secure base.

And when we have that secure base, it also creates what's a resilient self.

The self is not a story of who I am, it's not an ego, that's the story of your accomplishments.

A self is a felt embodied somatic sense of confidence,

capability, feelings that other people will

respond in some positive way to your needs and so forth.

So it allows you to essentially grow if you have that

secure base and you have that resilient. So and this process of getting the secure base is entirely outside in.

Nobody is born with a secure base. We are born just with the drive to connect so that we can have a chance of feeling secure.

So that's what our drive is. Our drive is to connect and bond.

And when we get the four qualities of secure attachment,

which is connection that's reliable,

...