I was today years old when I realized that conflict didn't have to be so bad. I ran away from

conflict thinking that maybe the calm would deter people from showing up in ways that were scary

for me until I came to the realization that I am the one with the issue and the trigger.

I had to acknowledge that there were some things that I had to work through and that I had to do

in order for me to be a better me.

And what I learned through many different situations that even though it showed up as being

a conflict, it came to be a resolution.

One of the major things that I recognized about myself is that I don't like conflict. I've known it for a long time.

It is a triggering thing for me. I hate to see two people arguing. I hate to see people

arguing or disagreeing in public. And I really hate public shame or ridicule. Those things for me

really just like set my anxiety to another level. On one end, it is a great thing because I've always been like the medium

when it came to conflict with family and friends and I was always the one to employ some sense

of like congruence coming together and dealing with the issue. I'm great at that. But on the other end of it, as I recognize within myself,

I can give a sense of calm to people.

But when there are issues that are that of a conflict,

I realized that I don't like it and I tend to shy away from it by the means of just walking away and saying, one minute.

Let me think about this.

In a friendship where there is an issue and it needs to be resolved, I mean, it can be something simple. And it seems as if the

person on the other end is riled up. For me, I'm still kind of being calm and I'm, I'm

gauging the other person. And once the elevation of what I feel like is anger or disappointment

becomes, you know, seen to me, I sit there and I take it in

and we talk about it to a certain point, but when it gets to where it's elevated, I'll say,

...