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Awesome Marriage Podcast

Confessions of the Higher Desire Wife with J. Parker Ep. 699

Awesome Marriage Podcast

Dr. Kim Kimberling

Society & Culture, Religion & Spirituality, Relationships, Christianity

4.9 • 802 Ratings

🗓️ 14 October 2025

⏱️ 41 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Mismatched sex drives in marriage? You're not alone—and it's not a problem to fix, but an opportunity to grow together.

Most couples (up to 90%!) will experience periods where their sexual desires don't line up perfectly. It's completely normal—and it's a chance to build deeper understanding, communication, and compassion in your relationship. Getting honest about differences means you can meet each other where you are, as a team.

This conversation is full of encouragement for the couple (or the spouse) who is feeling the disconnect from the different drives. Join Dr. Kim and J. Parker as they talk about normalizing this topic and making your marriage (and sex life) awesome.

Episode Highlights:

Majority of couples face the struggle of mismatched sex drives.

It's important that the lines of communication are open when talking about desire, frequency and expectation.

Open, ongoing communication is key to building intimacy. 

The way we think about intimacy is often shaped by cultural messages, church teaching, or our upbringing.

 

Quotes from Today's Episode:

Mismatched sex drives aren't the exception—they're the norm.

Instead of seeing it as a sign something's wrong, view it as an opportunity to communicate, show compassion, and navigate intimacy as a team.

The old script that 'men want sex and women want romance' sells everyone short. You can crave both romance and intimacy, regardless of who in your marriage has the higher desire.

A thriving sex life isn't automatic—it's something you cultivate over time, through learning, honesty, and growth together.

Sometimes a gap in desire isn't about your relationship at all, but about real-life pressures.

There are times when speaking up isn't nagging—it's partnership. Express what you need, but do it out of love and with respect, seeking to connect and understand, not just correct.

 

Questions for Reflection:

  1. When was the last time you and your spouse had a conversation about frequency? 
  2. Do you feel comfortable telling your spouse what you need in regards to physical intimacy? 
  3. What's one small step you could take this week to communicate more openly about your needs and create healthier intimacy together?

 

Mentioned in this Episode:

 

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

So can couples have a healthy marriage even if their sex drives are mismatched?

0:05.1

Well, I hope so because about four and five couples are unevenly matched.

0:10.3

So, yeah, so I, you know, did look at the data on this a lot.

0:13.9

This is a little bit rough, but basically you could say about half, a little more than the half of men are the higher desire spouse.

0:19.7

Maybe 20% or so are actually

0:22.5

evenly matched. And when I say evenly, they're fairly matched. About 20 to 25% of women are the

0:32.5

higher desire spouse. Want to grow your marriage for helping couples worldwide, join our marriage

0:37.4

changes from just

0:38.1

50 cents a day. Get exclusive monthly videos from Nancy and me, new digital resources, 50% of

0:44.8

courses and more. Start with $15 monthly at the link in our show notes. Welcome to today's

0:50.8

awesome marriage podcast. Our guest today is a long-time friend, Jay Parker. She's funny. She's relatable. She brings the whole truth to every conversation. We're talking about her newest book, The Higher Desire, Why, Understanding and Help for Christian Women, Navigating Mismet, Sex Drive. Jay's been blogging at Hot, Holy, and Humorous for nearly 15 years. She's written five books on sexual intimacy

1:11.5

and marriage. She's a master's in counseling and a powerful personal testimony. She's passionate

1:16.6

about helping couples embrace God's design for sex. She leads a higher desire wife's community,

1:22.2

co-hosts the marriage and sexuality broadcasts, and she lives in Denton, Texas with her husband.

1:26.9

Let's go to the studio and greet Jay right now.

1:30.6

Well, Jay, welcome today's podcast.

1:32.5

It is so good to see you again.

1:33.7

It's so good to have you back on the podcast.

1:36.6

And just thanks for saying yes and us being able to work this time out.

1:40.8

I'm so excited to be here.

1:42.2

Thanks, Dr. Kim.

1:43.6

It's always great talking to you. And of course,

...

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