You Haven’t Ruined Your Life

by Autumn Dickson

My first message of this week was about Rebekah and Jacob tricking Isaac into giving Esau’s blessing to Jacob. Rebekah had received a revelation that the older would serve the younger, and she took matters into her own hands to make that happen. It worked, and Jacob was blessed. Unfortunately, Jacob also had to run for his life from Esau. He was sent to his uncle’s house far away to keep him safe.

It had been prophesied that the younger would rule over the older, but there was also some favoritism going on. The bible literally tells us that Isaac loved Esau and Rebekah loved Jacob. Rebekah went above and beyond to make sure Jacob came out on top.

Unfortunately, the opposite seemed to occur. Rather than ruling over his father’s house, Jacob ended up exiled. He was anything but a ruler for a very long time. Jacob’s uncle tricked him, and Jacob had very little power to protect himself. His wages were unfairly changed up on him. He was separated from his family, not a ruler of his family.

When Rebekah sent Jacob away to live with her brother, I wonder if she regretted what she did. When she was separated from Jacob, did she wish she could do things differently? I wonder if she asked herself whether she had made a mistake and ruined everything. I don’t know about Rebekah, but I think I would have had those feelings.

I wonder if Jacob ever felt a little bitter. I wonder if he was angry that the ruse had upended his life so thoroughly and ironically did the opposite of what it was supposed to be. Did he regret listening to his mother and tricking his father? Did he feel that everything was ruined?

Have you ever wondered if you ruined things too much? I’m not just talking about sinning so deeply that the atonement of Jesus Christ can’t reach you. I’m also talking about mistakes or sins that seemingly messed up what we believed we were supposed to become. Maybe there was a promise in your patriarchal blessing, a revelation that you felt strongly about that seems to have fallen flat, or a direction you never anticipated your life taking that led to heartache rather than increased ability to go out and serve.

One of the beautiful things about this story is the fact that the Lord can lead you there and make things come together even after mistakes and pitfalls and detours and even sin. Rebekah and Jacob tricked Isaac. They deceived him, and they did so in the name of a revelation given to Rebekah by the Lord. And honestly, I don’t know if that makes it better or worse. I guess she was trying really hard to follow the revelation, but we also need to be supremely careful about doing wrong things in the name of getting to the “right” destination. As in, we shouldn’t need to do wrong things in the name of getting to the right destination. I digress.

They sinned. They weren’t evil people, but they did sin. And yet, despite this sin and interference, the Lord still helped them get where they needed to be.

Jacob prospered and returned home and reconciled with his family. Esau likewise prospered independently. Esau’s descendants ended up serving Jacob’s descendants (Edom and Israel). Things turned out how they were supposed to, and no damage was permanent.

When I was dating Conner, I was very confused. We were really struggling. That era of our lives was very dark for both of us. I really don’t understand how we ended up together, but we did. In the middle of all that difficulty, I had people telling me that I could miss out on the man God had prepared for me if I kept wasting time with Conner.

This became a legitimate fear of mine. I was so afraid God would be angry with me for being confused and not being able to find my way. I would break up with him, and I felt led back to him but then things were so hard and very few people (I think 4 people total and even that was iffy) supported us being together. I was afraid that I would miss out on what was supposed to be mine because I wasn’t good enough to figure out what I was supposed to be doing.

In the midst of all this, I had a dear friend who was so faithful and trusting. She had dated her boyfriend on and off for years. It had stretched on and on, and they finally reached a point where they truly broke up. I remember asking her the questions that were pressing on me. I asked her if she was afraid that she had missed out on someone she could have married because she was so distracted with this other guy.

Her response was simple and profound. She wasn’t worried at all. She didn’t believe in a God like that, a God who would punish her for not knowing immediately. She was trying the best she could with what she had, even if it wasn’t perfect, and she believed that God would honor that and help her along.

If your heart is turned towards God and trying to follow Him, you don’t need to fear. He can lead you along. Even if you make mistakes along the way, even if you end up on roads you never pictured yourself on, He can lead you back to where you need to be.

I remember another time in college. They had just changed the missionary age, and I was suddenly able to serve. I had wanted to serve a mission my whole life, but in that moment, I shied away from it. I found myself in a bit of trouble. I was very mentally sick. I had taken a break from classes to pursue a music career. I had a couple of friends who didn’t let me totally lose myself, but I wasn’t headed in the direction I needed to be going. I was pretty adrift and lost, and though not all of it was my fault, some of it was a direct result of my own naive or selfish choices.

I remember sitting on my bed one night, knowing that I wasn’t where I needed to be. I didn’t kneel down or fold my arms. I didn’t open or close the prayer. I just quietly whispered, “If You could get me out of this, I would appreciate it.”

And He did. Very shortly after, I found myself on a plane home to Texas where I had grown up. One thing led to another and I found myself serving in Indiana, right where I needed to be.

It didn’t matter to Him that I had taken myself all over the map. The detours and “lost” time ultimately meant nothing. I ended up right where I needed to be. I didn’t truly lose anything. There was difficulty and regrets, but there wasn’t anything that couldn’t be salvaged through the power of the atonement of Jesus Christ.

I have a feeling that if Rebekah and Jacob could have seen the exile they were setting into motion, they wouldn’t have done what they did. I have a feeling that there was some real introspection going on after everything went down. There were detours and difficulties on account of their own choices, but the Lord never lost sight of them.

I testify that He never loses sight of you. He is leading you along even if you don’t know it. I testify that He can take the worst parts and mistakes and turn them into good. I testify that all roads can lead home if we apply the atonement of Jesus Christ.

 

Autumn Dickson was born and raised in a small town in Texas. She served a mission in the Indianapolis Indiana mission. She studied elementary education but has found a particular passion in teaching the gospel. Her desire for her content is to inspire people to feel confident, peaceful, and joyful about their relationship with Jesus Christ and to allow that relationship to touch every aspect of their lives. Autumn was the recipient of FAIR’s 2024 John Taylor Defender of the Faith Award.

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