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How To Fail With Elizabeth Day

Chris Appleton - ‘I Felt Shame Before I Felt Love’

How To Fail With Elizabeth Day

Sony Music

Society & Culture

4.79.6K Ratings

🗓️ 25 March 2026

⏱️ 48 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Celebrity hair stylist Chris Appleton has a slew of devoted clients including Kim Kardashian, Kris Jenner and Martha Stewart, as well as millions of Instagram followers and a regular slot offering advice on The Drew Barrymore Show. His memoir, Your Roots Don’t Define You, is a New York Times bestseller. But growing up was hard on Appleton: he was the middle of five children and struggled with undiagnosed dyslexia at school. He was bullied by his classmates for being gay - something he didn’t yet understand about himself. At 16, he left school to work full-time and began a serious relationship with his colleague, Kate. By 19, he was a father. In this episode we discuss imposter syndrome, the darkest moments of his life, shame and the work he’s done to overcome the hurdles he’s faced. And, of course, we talk about the Kardashians. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 02:33 Imposter Syndrome as Fuel 04:24 Red Carpets and Online Pressure 05:27 Hair as Celebrity Identity 07:15 Memoir and Health Wake Up 08:48 Dash the Dog and Comfort 11:02 Shame Coming Out and Healing 22:26 Kids First After Divorce 23:05 Holiday Triggers and Boundaries 24:31 Success Doesn't Heal 25:18 Inner Child Healing Work 27:22 Envy Into Mentorship 30:08 Kardashians on Failure 31:25 Hair Identity and Change 35:18 Comparison and Social Media 💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER: It’s okay to make mistakes, but I love learning from them and understanding why we make those decisions. Hair is such a big part of people's identity. It tells who you are. You can externally excite yourself... But if you're not aligned internally, you still have that sad and lonely feeling. I think imposter syndrome to an extent is healthy... It keeps me turning up to jobs prepared. I treat every job like it's the first time I've done it. 🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS: Chris Appleton’s book Your Roots Don’t Define You, is out now Join the How To Fail community: www.howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Elizabeth’s Substack: www.theelizabethday.substack.com 📚 WANT MORE? Rylan Clark - on public breakdowns, surviving divorce and rebuilding his sense of self. Dawn French - on comedy, adoption and finding confidence later in life. 💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE? Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories 👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth: Instagram: @elizabday TikTok: @howtofailpod Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod Website: www.elizabethday.org Elizabeth and Chris answer listener questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: www.howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan Engineer: Matias Torres Assistant Producer: Shania Manderson Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Alex Lawless How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email podcastadsales@sonymusic.com _________________________________________________________________________ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

I did hair so people automatically assumed I was gay. I was only 12 or 13 when I got a job in the

0:04.7

hair salon. The ultimate shame which kind of led me to maybe my darkest time in my life

0:11.9

and how shame really helped me back was when I came out and I came out of the age of 26.

0:18.8

Failure happens to everyone, but I think you have a choice and what

0:23.0

you do with failure, and I think you can just be beating down and give up, or you can pick

0:27.4

yourself up and dust yourself off and try again. Welcome to How to Fail, the podcast that

0:32.4

focuses on failure rather than success, because we believe that's where you find your true self. Now, I just

0:39.6

wanted to give you a heads up that this episode with Chris Appleton includes discussion of suicide.

0:45.3

So please do take care while listening. Don't forget to subscribe and follow so that you

0:50.0

never miss a single episode of How to Fail. I just wanted to take a moment to reflect on dating.

0:59.3

I got married the first time when I was 32 and divorced when I was 35. The idea of starting again

1:07.5

and dating was quite frankly terrifying. But I had to get back on the horse at some

1:13.0

point as I knew I wanted to meet someone I could live happily ever after with. And luckily for me,

1:19.4

online dating came to my rescue and I met my now husband, Justin, on an app. That's why partnering

1:26.7

with Bumble just makes sense for me. My friends also say that

1:31.0

dating on Bumble feels more intentional and a lot more fun because they take the pressure out of it,

1:36.6

which is so important. Also, Bumble ensures people can be verified, which allows women to feel

1:42.9

confident that the people they talk to

1:44.7

are who they say they are. Trust me, Bumble's a place you can trust if you're ready to get your

1:50.9

spark back. So refresh your Bumble profile or download Bumble now. On this podcast, we talk a lot

1:57.9

about failure, but I'm also really interested in what we don't say out loud,

2:03.0

especially when it comes to women and success, which is why I'm delighted to be championing

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