Hey there, folks. I am Dave Holmes. Welcome to Troubled Waters, the show that treats popular culture as the most important kind of culture because at this stage in human history, it is the one that bums us out the least.

Now, back when people could mix, Troubled Waters would pit two teams of comedians against each other in a pop culture battle royale.

But now, teaming up with another person who is not in your quarantine pod is possibly

lethal.

It's definitely not cool.

So for now, it's one comic against another.

To win this battle, each comic will be called upon to use their smarts, their rhetorical

skills, the great comebacks they've been hoarding in isolation to earn the coveted Troubled Waters title,

Pundit Emeritus.

That title immediately gives a person's opinion on,

say, the sensuality of the Queen's Gambit,

more than a civilian's.

You are listening to Troubled Waters.

Music to troubled waters. Okay, so let's just address it.

Yeah, are you hearing the sounds of nature?

Yes, you are.

That's because I'm in my backyard.

A plumber is plumbing inside my house.

My dog is losing his mind inside his crate.

So we are coming to you from my backyard.

Drink it in. There's nature, there's birds, there's definitely a helicopter searching for

a murderer. It's just the way it's going to be. Let's meet our teams. Our first contestant

...