Chemistry vs Compatibility: Know the Difference

Sex With Emily

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.3 • 6.8K Ratings

🗓️ 13 February 2026

⏱️ 35 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Whether you're questioning who you're attracted to or wondering why someone incredible on paper leaves you feeling nothing below the waist, you're not alone. In this episode, I unpack the messy, confusing space between wanting someone and wanting to build a life with them—and why those two things don't always line up. From a woman who's always identified as straight but can't stop fantasizing about women, to a listener who's been getting nothing but one-arm hugs after six dates, I get into the questions most people are too afraid to ask out loud. I also share what the science actually says about attraction—including why your post-gym crush might not be as real as it feels, and what your birth control could be doing to your "type." In this episode, you'll learn: • Why putting a label on your sexuality might be the last thing you need to do right now—and what to try instead • The conversation that can save you months (or years) of wondering where you stand with someone who won't make a move • What to do when you and your partner are both waiting for the other person to take control in bed More Dr. Emily: • Shop With Emily! Explore Emily’s favorite toys, pleasure accessories, bedroom essentials, and more — designed to support your pleasure and confidence. Free shipping on orders $99+ (some exclusions apply). • Join the SmartSX Membership: Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse. • Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Head to sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply today! • Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides. • The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure • Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website • Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube • Let’s text: Sign up here • Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. Timestamps: 0:00 - Introduction 1:56 - The science of sexual attraction 5:01 - You can want someone without wanting to date them 6:12 - Surprising facts about who you're attracted to (and why) 9:19 - "Am I bisexual or do I just think women are hot?" 10:50 - The one-arm hug situation 15:25 - When your partner's meds killed your sex life 20:40 - 19 years married and ready to give up 25:31 - How to rekindle the spark after years together Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Remember that sex is play too. And sex comes from our eroticism and our imagination. And what
0:10.5	it reveals to us is what we're curious about. So if you think of sex and just play, like,
0:14.9	huh, I'm curious about hugging up with another gender or a different kind of person than I'm
0:18.9	normally attracted to. And that's fun.
0:21.4	That opens up your whole world.
0:24.0	You're listening to Sex with Emily.
0:26.3	I'm Doctor Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation
0:31.6	around sex.
0:33.7	So you've got a partner you love, someone you feel super attracted to and totally safe in their
0:38.7	presence, but also a little bored?
0:43.0	What do you do when things feel too safe?
0:46.1	And how can you better understand your personal turn-on switches to make the romance
0:50.9	more adventurous?
0:52.6	Today's show is all about exploring the breakdown between sex and romance.
0:56.4	You can totally want to have sex with someone and might not feel so romantic towards them,
1:00.8	or you might have romance and feel lovey-dovey, but not necessarily want to have sex with them.
1:05.2	So by the end of today's episode, you'll better understand how and why you get aroused,
1:10.2	so you can make any part of ship more erotic and know which ones you just might never make erotic and that's okay too.
1:17.4	Plus, I take your questions.
1:19.6	What to do when you're straight, but kind of want to hook up in a non-straight way.
1:24.4	What to do when you and your partner are both submissive and both crave
1:28.3	dominance, how to bring back the spark, and when you should hang on to a friend with quality
	...

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