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Thank you. Yeah.

Yeah. And we don't even own an applause sign.

Good evening, everyone.

Well, Nancy Pelosi appeared drunk at the memorial for Grateful Dead co-founder Bob Weir. In her defense, she's been following the dead

for a very long time. Good joke. A little wordplay. Anti-ice protesters in Minnesota are using the

gay dating app Grindr to try and expose ice agents.

But so far, they've only been able to match with one guy.

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day,

which means the only federal institution open today

would have been Bill Clinton's pants.

Yeah, that never closes.

The mayor of Jackson, Mississippi, signed a proclamation declaring Kamala Harris Day to honor all of her accomplishments.

They're calling it Cinco de Drunko.

...