New day, new, you wake your ass, only straws, straws, it's the Monday to fucking grab it to you.

Be mine.

Listen to me, I elaborate, daily wisdom from me, J.B. Smooth.

Hmm.

Now, I know from an early age we are taught to strive for greatness.

To be the fucking best.

And I know we've talked about it all here plenty of times.

And they ain't nothing wrong with that.

But, the fucking truth is, no matter how much some of us try,

we will never be as great as we want to be.

It's just a fact of life.

Facts.

I mean, everyone can't be a deal on strong or serena whims or seasoned chives,

yoyo ma, or fucking Katherine, the great.

Some of us can't even be a Susan Boyle or William Hung.

For all, by the way, I said, been under a lot of pressure growing up with that goddamn name.

Hey, wait a minute.

I don't normally interrupt you this early into your opening thing.

But, all right, Susan Boyle, she was on America's Got Talent, I think.

Yeah.

And she was the one who they didn't expect to be great.

She was great.

...