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Can You Don't?

Can You Don't? | Pigeon. Red Button. Farmer. Creepy Garden Gnome.

Can You Don't?

Joe Paisley and Bryan Albrandt

Scared To Death, Insane People, Is We Dumb, Bryan Albrandt, Comedy Podcast, Sexual Fantasy, Funniest, Bad Magic Productions, New, Arts, Stupid Criminals, Funny, Improv, Tiktok, Paisley Productions, Comedy, Trending, Viral Videos, Dan Cummins, Timesuck, Insane, Joe Paisley, Can You Dont

4.61.1K Ratings

🗓️ 15 June 2022

⏱️ 77 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Do you remember how hard it used to be to look up porn? You had to be so damn sneaky! Let's talk about that, an Etsy store that spawns high quality nightmares, living life with a dong attached to your forearm, destroying Earth with the push of a button, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!


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Can You Don't?

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Pigeon. Red button. Farmer. Creepy garden gnome.

0:22.0

Episode three of a show. A new show. A podcast.

0:26.0

Yeah, I was gonna keep going, but that was pretty good. This is in on that. Sounds good to screw it up. Just end it. Yeah, I'm gonna roll the hellsrow. Yeah, see you guys. How depressing with that? See you next week. Oh, wow. Thank you. Good night. Wow. Thanks guys. Uh, yeah, so episode three of Candy Don. I'm Joe Paisley. I'm Brian O'Brien and we are well aware how much we look like each other. Yeah, we're you guys have noticed stop. If you are coming over from Isby Dumb, I gave you a warning. I said and it's also

0:56.0

pretty comical how much we look like each other. So we're well aware of it. We're glad that you guys want to send in the emails and let us know how much we look like each other. But we're very aware. And no, we're not related. You know, we should have asked them. We should take a blood. We should go in and see if we're actually related. See if you're my brother, my dad or my sister. Yeah, I might be your dad. What if you're my fucking sister? Oh, dude, that'd be hard. That'd be crazy. I mean, that I mean, I'm not into incest, but you would be you never know. You would be if we were if you were my sister. If we'll find out. Okay, if we're

1:26.0

related, we'll fuck. Okay, only if we're related though. So on top of you guys letting us know that we look at each other, you can send in other content to Hey, guys, a can you don't podcast.com. That includes petty beef, just general dumb shit that you guys are doing. We would love to share it on the show. And then again, want to note one last time that because of vacations that were planned before we even started the show. We are recording almost a month in advance. It's crazy. So it don't be

1:56.0

like, oh, they're not using my story. It's like, nah, maybe in a month, about a month or so. Give it a month, give it a month. And then we'll start putting some stuff in that mean that she said that's it's like you got it. You have to listen to least the first four shows, right? Right. I mean, that's that's the goal. That's the goal to get through those first four. That's a success. And then once you're cut and then once we're cut up, we're like, then we can suck. But then we're going to be gone again. So we're going to do this again. We're going to have to do this again. Like, yeah, July, we're by mountain vacation. I'm going to Iceland and Ireland for

2:26.0

two and a half weeks. You're going to a camping. You're camping for six months. Yeah. Well, my God, I'm funny with that. We're like, Hey, Merry Christmas January. Well, yeah. It's going to be July. We're like, Merry Christmas everyone. We have a tree. Hope you guys had a great Christmas. We're trying to see this. Make sure you get the content you deserve that you're expecting. Um, it's what it feels like. I know. And we have plenty of merch. Go check it out right now. Hey, can you don't podcast.com. Of course, producer Logan doing a wonder

2:56.0

wonderful job with that as he does with everything, including fluff and me up before the show. Did you see I almost I couldn't even fit in the door. I got it. Yeah. You tried to turn sideways. Then you had to turn frontways again. Right. I said a back in. And then when I turned around, you ducked. Uh-huh. Like that's he says a great job with merch and he almost knocked one of the cameras off the wall. Actually, dude, my hand hurts. Do you want to do it? It is so. I was just thinking about my dick and then my hand. Oh, yeah. And it's so weird.

3:26.0

How much I suck at writing stuff before we started recording this episode. I had to fill out some more shit for paisley productions. Um, and this particular form, I couldn't do the tap, tap, tap, tapie. I had to write stuff out. And it was like maybe three lines. We're trying to find a pen or a pencil. Start shaking my wrist. I'm like, fuck you. Yeah. Such a bitch. Isn't that weird? How we like the strongest I've ever been with the gym? Give me a pencil. I'm gonna start crying. It's funny. How like my my I could

3:56.0

jerk off for 10 minutes without my wrist getting tired. Well, I grab a pen to write a happy birthday card to my mom. Yeah.

4:02.0

And I want to write this big long thing like thanks for everything you've done for me. And I start writing. I'm like, ah, starts ramping up like fuck it. Love you. They for everything. Bye. And that's it. It starts. It's like thanks for having a birthday. Yeah. Thanks for having birthday. They can't wait to have cake. Right. Thanks for being older.

4:17.5

Brian. Yep. Exactly. Peels off the page. It is sad. It's not that sad. I mean, fuck writing. No, we have computers. I know. And then the people that get upset. I'm not sure if it's still a thing. They get upset about cursive being taken out of schools.

4:31.5

Fucking move on. God. What happened? We need calligraphy. No, we don't. Why? Why? Do we still put wax on our envelopes? What's the last thing you sent a letter by pigeon? Any letter? Last week. I have a carrier pigeon.

4:46.5

Oh, that's how Pacey family does it. I ran over a pigeon when I pulled up today. So hopefully that wasn't guess my mom. My mom won't know how much she means to me on my birthday or on her birthday. She's just waiting around for the mail. Nothing shows.

4:59.5

She never forgets. He always sends his messenger pigeon. And she died that day of a broken heart. Okay. Well, aside from all that stuff, let's just get the show going. Okay. Logan.

5:12.5

Hey, shut up. It's not the show already. Last couple episodes. We've done a would you rather? This one is not a would you rather. And it's actually quite depressing.

5:25.5

So thanks for taking the pressing stuff. Thanks for coming over to be happy. Yeah. Go cry yourself to sleep. That's at the end of the show. We'll bring them back up at the end of the show. I hope so.

5:34.5

If there was a big red button, that would destroy earth. How many people do you think would walk past it before someone ended up pushing it?

5:45.5

Oh, and it's so sad to be like, I don't know one. Yeah, it's Monday. Is it Monday or Friday? Is it me? Yeah. It's, yeah, it's fucking sad. And I know that there's a big difference.

5:59.5

The first thing or the first place my brain went was the difference between what country it was in, because there's happier countries.

6:06.5

Like if we go to Switzerland, Finland, Switzerland, yeah, or Norway, or every year, good for you, Norway, the happiest people that on the whole planet.

6:17.5

Yeah. So I don't know if it maybe extends. It jumps up a whopping amount to three instead of one that I'm scared about here in the fucking United States.

...

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