Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to UnRuffled. Today I'm going to be responding to a note I

receive from a parent via email. The subject line is how to stay unruffled when I'm angry or sad.

I'm fascinated by this topic. It's one of my favorites and I'm thankful for this opportunity to

explain some misconceptions about the title of my podcast and what it really means to be unruffled

and how do we get there in a way that isn't also stifling our own emotions.

Okay, so first of all you may have noticed something going on with my voice. I've had this

really intense laryngeitis for a week now and I'm just kind of starting to come out of it. So

I hope it's not super annoying to listen to. I'm going to do my best and read this note that I got

from a parent. Hi Janet, I'm hoping you can clarify something for me that I'm struggling to

understand. I know as parents we should appear unruffled and be the calm, confident leaders for our

children as you've stated many times. I understand that this leads to them feeling stable and

secure. I've also understood that it's beneficial to let children see when we are dealing with

strong emotions rather than to try to hide them and pretend that we're okay, that it's helpful to

know when we are sad, disappointed or frustrated. For example, as a way to model that everyone has

these feelings and to show how we handle them. What I'm confused about is what to do when those

emotions are caused by our children. For example, if my toddler does something that makes me feel

angry or frustrated, should I hide it the best I can so that she can feel secured knowing she

can't do anything to ruffle me? I find it extremely difficult to do this sometimes, especially when

someone could get hurt or something could get damaged. I can't help reacting angrily, but I try to

take charge of it by explaining to her that I need to step away from a moment to calm down

or sometimes I let her see me take a big breath and try to regain control. After I feel calmer,

I go to her, bend down to her level and assure her that I love her and that it's okay for her to

...