Welcome to Betrayal Trauma Recovery. This is Anne. I'm welcoming a Linda on today's episode,

who is like all of us are. She is the wife of a sex addict. The reason why I wanted her to come on today is

she had commented on one of the articles on

BTR.org. And if you don't know, every single podcast that we do is transcribed and turned into an article and put on BTR.org and we love people's

comments there so if you haven't gone to join the conversation I welcome you to do that and

that's how I meant Melinda so welcome Melinda.

Hi there thanks for having me. Her comment was so insightful she coined the phrase weaponizing

co-dependency language.

So let's start with your story, Melinda.

How did your husband weaponize codependency language?

My husband revealed that he had been having an affair and later on

revealed that he has been seeing a sex massage and also abusing porn

and we entered into a process of trying to figure out

what was going on.

I understood that it was not my fault

and that it was something that I felt like we can overcome together.

He struggled a lot with all of it and ultimately showed that he couldn't meet me where I

needed to be met so that I can recover from the

betrayal. But for a period of time he entered into 12-step and he also actually I

should say has been trained as a counselor.

He's not a therapist now, but he was trained as one.

And when we entered into therapy after the revelations of his betrayal,

...