Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of

executive coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace

the way you want to be perceived. I'm

Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're talking about building

emotional intelligence.

Jen coordinated large-scale events for her consumer products company.

Twice a year, she was responsible for putting on events for more than 5,000 attendees. The rest of the year she put on small events

for only 500 or 1,000 attendees. In her feedback report, people praised her gifts of coordination and tactical command.

What they didn't like so much was her style.

There they used words like, intolerant, inflexible, and harsh.

Over the course of our coaching, Jen repeatedly described situations as frustrating.

For example, she told me that arguing with one of the founders about a new process

was frustrating.

One particular direct report of hers was frustrating.

Dealing with a favored vendor was frustrating. Dealing with a favorite vendor was frustrating.

She overused frustrating so much I couldn't help but tease her.

We ended up laughing about it.

Soon we were talking about why it's important to have a rich emotional vocabulary.

I began by stating a premise.

I said, Jen, you tend to name all your feelings as frustrated, but it's a safe bet that you actually have

more feelings than just that one. What do you think? She said, that sounds reasonable,

but are you saying my emotions aren't limited but my language is?

...