When human beings are activated by fight, flight, boredom, loneliness, sadness, shame, grief,

anger, when we are activated, what we do is we seek out other people to express our emotions and in eye contact and in

being seen by the other and in their

their tone of voice are taking in their

tone of voice are taking in their body language,

our feeling seen, we actually deactivate the level of emotional activation

to the point we can work constructively with the emotion.

Now we were another species, we wouldn't need to do this.

Squirrels when they're activated can deactivate their sympathetic nervous systems

by scampering up a tree. Other species like birds

can fly and when they reach a perch they can deactivate their fight, freeze, anger, activations.

Human beings need to connect with another person, get on us, reveal their emotional states, and me to be in that bouncing

off experience where we make eye contact, we get vulnerable, and it has many effects attachments.

Our immune system only works at optimal functioning, producing T cells and white blood cells when we are in meaningful social connections.

Alan Shore has shown in studies that brain development in children depends on secure attachment.

Attachment neurobiology, I can't remember the exact title, but they go into all of the effects that being securely seen interacting with other

human beings provides. But perhaps one of the most important things that connection with another person where we are emotionally

authentic seen and where that person mirrors our emotions back without trying to fix, solve, or

tell us what to do.

They just listen and with their facial expression,

with their body language, take us in and make us feel

understood is that it creates what's called a secure base.

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