At long last, the glorious invasion of Ukraine begins.

Soon, the motherland will take the wayward province into her firm embrace again. Field Marshal Putin offers

cheers and many celebrations for American comrades who showed loyalty to Mother Russia. We have

much gratitude and thanks for Fox News, most especially Comrade Tucker Carlson.

For his loyalty, we'll receive highest Russian honor, the Order of Lenin.

We thank Steve Bannon, admirer and student of Comrade Lenin,

who led the Republicans to support of Comrade Putin's plans for greater

Russia.

We thank GOP Comrade Senator Joshua Howley, who blocked enemies of Russia that the warmonger

Biden wished to appoint to his regime.

Russia waits 40 years for American Republicans to throw away disgrace of Ronald Reagan.

Republicans say they stand for America.

Comrade Putin knows better.

Putin is saying, oh, they're going to sanction me. They sanctioned me for the last 25 years.

You mean I can take over a whole country and they're going to sanction me?

You mean they're not going to blow us to pieces, at least psychologically?

The problem is not that Putin is smart, which of course he's smart, but the real problem is that our leaders are dumb.

Dumb. So dumb.

This is my Mayor Cooper.

Oh, baby, don't lie for me. If I tell you, baby, don't lie for me.

If I tell you my story, don't cry for me.

I did my time that's fun by me.

...