I think that question of am I trying to win their affection or their approval their affection or their attention is a really helpful like filter to run your decisions through you know it is and another thing that helps to I do this often is I swap out the person I think okay if this we're not Jordan asking me to do this it were so and so.

Let's say my sister long who's got to love me regardless.

I would probably say no to her but oh it's Jordan I don't like me Jordan's cool and I want to be my friend you know so swapping out the person to really helps us to say you know to kind of untangle that yeah like why we're really doing are we really saying yes because we feel called to the test and because God's calling us or am I saying it because it's Jordan you know so I swap out people in my mind yeah that's a really helpful tool I love that.

You're listening to she with Jordan Lee Dooley a personal development podcast for the everyday woman come invited leave ignited here's your host Jordan Lee Dooley.

Hey Karen welcome to she. Hey Jordan how you doing?

Good good I'm so excited to have you here I really look forward to this conversation and especially this topic that we're going to talk about when it comes to people pleasing and breaking the pattern of people pleasing I think this can be so hard for us and especially for women who have you know a servant's heart women who want to help others and just in general I think there's a lot of pressure on us to to kind of be all things to all people so I'm really looking forward to this but before we dive in for those who aren't familiar with you or with your background can you share a little bit about what you do and how you got to what you're doing now.

Sure well I my whole life I have loved to write and I love to talk.

It's the thing that people used to always comment on about you know talk about when I was little I would comment on me and say man can that girl talk.

It's getting in trouble in school.

It's what actually attracted my husband to me he said he loved the way that I could work a room make everybody feel included and about three days into our honeymoon he thought when she ever going to stop.

He always does me that if I pass away before he does he knows what he's going to put on my tombstone ready for it.

Oh yeah a period.

Oh my god.

I talk it.

But you know it's like lots of talk my whole my whole life and always wanted to write always wanted to help other women and be in ministry and so.

Here I am my college sweetheart mom of three plus two bonus children by marriage and I just loved to write books that help encourage women to live their priorities and and reflect the gospel to the people that are watching and most of my books are written from a place of weakness something I've really struggled with that God has met me.

Through and I just want to help other people by telling them what I've learned that's helped me and so that's especially a case with this people please.

Yeah so good I completely relate everything I've written or shared about is usually from a place of struggle or weakness like you said and I think I think that's really important you know because then you can kind of speak from a place of experience and understanding because.

I don't know I think if we're just writing like I have all the solutions here you go you know it's completely unrelatable but I love that you are humble enough and I think that recognizing that to share you know what's been helpful but also kind of share as you're still on the journey I don't know and I'd be curious what your thought is about this but.

Even when it comes to a topic like people pleasing which is a huge part of what we're going to talk about today I wonder if that's something you ever completely overcome or if it's just something you improve at over time and just get better about being more aware of what is.

I think it's your thought on that like because I think about comparison or something and it's like man I've come a long way in my struggle with comparison but I wouldn't say there's never been an instance in the last you know year where I haven't thought something or struggled with something but I don't necessarily get stuck in it as long but it's not something I'm like as a human just never going to struggle with ever again so I'm curious what your thought is on that and any struggle but especially when something like people pleasing.

I think that it's not an issue to overcome I think we think oh I've got issues you know I've got to overcome this issue for me people pleasing was not an issue to overcome its attention to manage it's always going to be attention to my life I'm always going to have to manage it I used to do a very poor job managing it and now I do better I've seen progress there's not perfection obviously but I've seen progress and when you look at it as attention to manage then you don't have this frustration that the issue is not going to be a good thing.

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