If the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say this was their finest hour.

We stand for Queen, Country and Video Games, BRB, UK, Worst teeth. Better accents.

Hello and welcome to episode 255 of the Big Red Barrel UK podcast. I am not Dan. I am a Coleman.

Hi. Hang on a second. You're not Dan. I am not Dan. That's why I said I'm not a Dan in the intro there, Tim. Very observable. I thought you may have been saying that just to throw me off the centre. Okay. This, this voice here is the one, the only, the Mr. Timothy Ken of James Hibbs. Hello. Hello. Mr. Christopher Coo No, I've been middle named. Damn you for having to co-sign my passport photos. I'm going to beep that. What, you're going to beat? Yeah. Are you going to beep it every time I say C C C C C C C C C. So if I say C C C C C C C C C totally. So if I say you'll beep it all three times. Yeah, if it's in context, then I will beep it every single time. Brilliant. My middle name must not be publicly available. Okay. Because that's how identities get stolen, Tim. Take to the forums, everyone. I'll reveal it there. Can I tell you about the brilliant day I've had?

I guess.

So I need a new passport for identification purposes at work.

That's generally what you need a passport for, identification purposes.

Well, I usually travel, some variety.

It's still identification purposes. Yeah, needed a photo identification, so I had to go to the passport office and pay, I think it's around about 150 pounds to get the... Yeah, that's so you can get the fast track, so you literally walk in, you have all your stuff filled out, you go up, they fill it out, and then you wait, and then they'll print out a passport for you and you go out the door, happy as as Larry and I walked in and I did my fast

track and I had an appointment time and stuff and first of all that I turned up early and they

went oh you're too early come back another time so I come back another time they said to be

15 minutes early if I was 15 minutes early then that'll have enough time to get me processed

and through and stuff so I turn up 15 early. Then I have to join a queue.

The queue lasts 45 minutes.

Then I come to the first desk.

By the way, Satan's breeding ground is the passport queue I found out today.

But then I have to go to a desk and a woman goes, you're late.

So then she prints me off a slip of paper that says 150 pounds paid, go upstairs and wait.

And then I go upstairs and I wait and then my number's called out and I go to a kiosk.

And the woman goes, oh, you're not eligible for fast track.

What?

Yeah.

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