All right, so Bob just told me a really interesting story and so I'm so sorry you didn't have it on on the air Bob

Let's tell more interesting stories and answer some patron emails. What do you say? I say? Let's do it

Patron Leia from France says at which step of the romantic relationship is it the most appropriate for someone with borderline to tell their partner that they have borderline?

Well, I

Don't see the purpose of telling somebody who doesn't understand diagnosis. You're diagnosis

I think probably describing what happens for you in your relationships more like

Here's what goes on for me the kinds of feelings that come up for me

How they can be disproportionate or you know, you might be weird or unusual for you to I might not I might not be the same as other people

Met but I don't really like the way I'm saying this but to describe it phenomenologically as opposed to diagnostically is probably more valuable and

More meaningful and also less scary because you start throwing around diagnosis and that one if anybody has any knowledge of

diagnosing they're going to be

Put off by it because it has such a crappy

Reputation attached to it

undeservedly, but nonetheless and particularly the mental health community which you've heard me say this before where the worst we we vilify people with

BPD

On we shouldn't do that, but we do

So so I don't see any purpose with telling your partner that diagnosis, but I do think that there's

Opportunity here for intimacy in candor with what it actually means or what it actually happens to you

Yeah, I think the broader question is when do you tell your partner about your issues?

You know at what point in the dating process?

Because everyone has issues whether it's borderline or a thousand other things and at what point do you tell your partner and

It's an interesting question because I think for us in our circle and our thinking it would you would say one

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