I have lived in Watford.

Welcome to the Happy Place Book Club with me, Fern Cotton.

I have lived on many streets and many pictures, deep in the shadows within the stinking and filthy parts of soul.

Today, Bear, by Lorna Tucker.

I have lived in hostels as a single mum.

I have lived all over London and many cities around the world.

I've lived with almost every boyfriend I have ever had.

I have lived with and without a daughter.

I have lived with an abuser.

Then I finally lived with a man who looked after me when I had two more children.

Now I live alone with all of my children.

The only thing I can tell you today is that I,

Lorna Tucker, have lived. I am an addict. This is something that I must always remember,

remind myself of each morning when I wake up. There is a history of addiction that runs through my blood.

The insanity of how the mind works when you're gripped by this.

This what I can only describe as a disease is madness and chaos. Nothing really makes sense, but when you're living it, whatever drug you choose

becomes all that matters. It comes before absolutely everything. But you don't realize

it's taking over because that devil on your shoulder is very convincing and tells you that

everything is justifiable. I don't use that iPod anymore. I might as well sell it.

We never watch TV. I should sell it as it's just sitting there. My daughter never wears these

shoes anyway. I'm ashamed of so much. A shame I carry from my past. There is so much that has held me back from living for so long.

I don't want to be ashamed anymore.

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