Hi, my name is Bill Hader, and I feel great about being a Conor O'Brien's friend.

Hey there, welcome to Conor O'Brien's Needs A Friend. I had to pause briefly for this introduction

because I was finishing chewing. This is an Asian chicken salad. Yes. Yes, and I didn't want to be chewing on the air.

So I don't even know why I mentioned this because you didn't know that I had to delay. So this is just more evidence that I'm new to this format, and I desperately do need a friend.

I joined today by, of course, my trusty assistant, Movesistion. Hey, Sonah. Hey, Conan, that salad looks really good.

It is good. It's a good, very good Chinese chicken salad. It's a Chinese chicken salad, but you're eating it.

I took out a lot of the fried wonton pieces. Is that what it's called? Yeah, the wontons. You're eating, but nobody else is eating.

I think it's important to point that out. In ancient times, the king would eat. Oh my god. And everyone had to watch the king eat.

No, I believe you've, have you guys eaten? No, my stomach's growling. Oh, I'm pretty hungry.

There's a guy over there who's always just contented, Matt Gourley, the podcast whiz. Do you have not eaten yet today?

I haven't. No, but don't worry about me. Okay, thanks. I'm sure you have some food. Stashed in your beard.

Little, little tic tacs, a little bit of barbeque. I don't want to bust bison, what's been dried?

What is this weird obsession with how I look at you? Are you going to single white female me?

No. You mean that I will dress up like you? Yeah. So that I can sleep with Henry fond as granddaughter?

I'm not sure that's how it works. I don't know either. Peter fond is daughter. Yes. Why did I say Henry fond is granddaughter?

I don't know. But she is that as well. She is that as well. I mean, you're not wrong. I just got a little more complicated than I needed to.

And Jane fond is niece. Right. Bridget fond. Bridget fond. Bridget used her name. Yeah.

You guys could have just said Bridget fond. I could have saved a lot of time.

Yeah. I have to admit when my ancestor was at Ford's theater when Lincoln was shot and he ran out of the theater and said, Robert Lincoln's father's been shot.

People were like, what? And he went, you know, the husband of Mary Todd has been injured. And they were like, what?

He's like, I'm telling you. Why aren't you listening to me? The great grandson of Jebadiya Lincoln has been shot.

Oh my God. Is that his real grandfather's name? Probably not. But you know, 50% chance because 50% of people in the world back then were named Jebadiya.

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