It's the late show's hot show with Stephen Colberg.

Folks, as a late-night host, I don't have to tell you,

I wield tremendous power.

As much as history is most ruthless tyrant,

Genghis Khan, Kim Jong-un, Queen Elizabeth.

We all have two things in common.

We're gonna get crunked at Meghan and Harry's wedding.

And we all have a big furry hat.

My people, now that this hat is upon my head,

any and all proclamations I make are now and forever law.

Let us begin.

If you take your shoes and socks off on a plane,

your feet have to go to.

The name of old-spice scents have to sound remotely like something that smells.

How am I supposed to choose between wolf thorn and swagger?

Henceforth, if the biathlon gets to be skiing and shooting,

then we get to add a gun to eye-stancing.

From now on, speed skating must include meth heads on ice.

If telemarketers are going to use my first name as if we're friends,

once they're done talking about boat insurance,

they have to listen to me, talk about the Lord of the Rings.

Can you name the most famous boat in all of Tolkien's works?

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