Namaste, friends.

Manaste, friends.

Part the celestial curtains of your mind

as I invite you to probe some very hairy stories this week.

And so to get us there, I just wanted to kick off with a little chat about what I did this week.

If you like, this is a warning to anyone out there who fancies themselves as something of a spirit medium.

You see, it is possible to get carried away, what I call investing spiritual anomaly,

into something that really is just corporeal.

In other words, getting carried away with some mystical bollocks

when really there's nothing paranormal going on at all,

just everyday stuff.

Let me explain.

Occasionally, and I expect you understand,

it can get lonely, being surrounded by dead people and that.

Whilst I love talking to old deadens about the war and how everything was much better in the olden days,

what with, you know, women knowing the place, never being cheeky to policemen, rickets and casual racism and that,

I do find from time to time living in the hinterland beyond

can get a bit predictable

and one may feel like one may want to meet someone

well less dead, more alive for a kickoff. Yes, I've joined a dating app. But it this way, instead of

thinking left field, I've been swiping right. My profile reads male 47, you're a spirit medium,

clairvoyant psychic psychic would like to meet

...