Beyond 'Sorry': How to Apologize and Mean It 6 | 22

Radical Candor: Communication at Work

Radical Candor

Business, Relationships, Society & Culture, Management, Careers

4.7 • 729 Ratings

🗓️ 5 June 2024

⏱️ 36 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Making amends and fostering better communication

Kim, Jason, and Amy dive into the complexities of apologies, focusing on the difference between genuine regret and false apologies. Through role-play and insightful analysis, they explore common pitfalls such as deflecting blame, making excuses, and failing to acknowledge the impact of one’s actions. They emphasize the importance of sincere apologies and provide actionable tips for making amends and fostering better communication in the workplace. Tune in to learn how to transform “I’m sorry” from hollow words into meaningful actions.

Get all of the show notes at RadicalCandor.com/podcast.

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Chapters:

(00:00:00) Introduction
Kim, Jason, and Amy introduce the episode on the importance of knowing how to apologize and explore false apologies.

(00:01:21) Role Play: "Sorry, Not Sorry" Sam vs. Patient Pam
A role play exercise to highlight common false apologies.

(00:04:28) Breakdown of False Apologies
The hosts analyze the role play, explaining why statements like "I'm an asshole" and "I was just kidding" are problematic.

(00:11:13) The Power of Humor and Apology
The role of humor in apologies, the impact of power dynamics, and why humor should never "kick down."

(00:13:13) The Narcissist's Prayer
Introduction to the Narcissist's Prayer, a pattern of defensive behavior.

(00:14:52) Structuring a Genuine Apology
Analysis of what constitutes a meaningful and effective apology, and insights on making amends and acknowledging mistakes.

(00:19:39) The Five A's of Apologizing
The five A's of a sincere apology based on Maimonides' principles.

(00:28:38) Apology as an Ongoing Process
The need for ongoing change after an apology and the challenges of altering long-standing habits.

(00:30:16) A Powerful Example of Apology
A poignant example of a sincere apology from a troll to Lindy West, highlighting the components of a good apology.

(00:33:06) Radical Candor Tips
Tips for a thoughtful apology process, emphasizing the importance of sincerity and accountability.

(00:34:54) Conclusion

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello everybody. Welcome to the Radical Canter podcast. I am Kim Scott. I'm Jason Roselle.
0:09.3	And I'm Amy Sandler and it is so important to know how to apologize. Today we're going to explore some, quote, apologies that are not apologies at all. For example, I'm an asshole.
0:23.4	I was just kidding.
0:25.6	Kim, this has been really hard for me.
0:29.6	I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.
0:32.9	And adjacent to that, I am so sorry you feel that way.
0:37.0	That's my bugaboo, that one.
0:39.5	I hate when people say that.
0:41.5	Kim, I was having a bad day.
0:43.7	Let me explain.
0:46.0	Forgive me.
0:47.8	I don't think I did that justice, but we'll see.
0:51.0	You did very well.
0:51.9	The forgive me, by the way, somebody,
0:55.1	I was talking to somebody about this,
0:56.5	and she said someone had touched her in a way
1:00.9	that made her feel uncomfortable,
1:03.2	and he blocked the door,
1:05.7	so she couldn't get out of the room where they were
1:08.7	and said, forgive me.
1:14.4	So there's an especially bad, forgive me.
1:20.3	Yeah, we're just, right now we're just doing the words. We're not even getting into the, all the other stuff.
	...

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