Beyond Girlfriend-Boyfriend

Modern Love

The New York Times

Nytimes, Redemption, Society & Culture, New York Times, Love, Essay, Storytelling, Loss, Nyt

4.4 • 8.7K Ratings

🗓️ 9 March 2022

⏱️ 18 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Three months into the pandemic, Haili Blassingame was crafting an email to her boyfriend of five years, Malcolm, with the subject line “My Terms.” She wanted to break up. Haili had met Malcolm in college. At first she was “giddy about the cute guy with the deep voice who looked like Obama,” she wrote in her Modern Love essay. But as they started dating, she found that their identities were intertwining and people were treating them differently just because they called themselves girlfriend and boyfriend. Haili longed for love but also for freedom and autonomy. Today’s episode explores Haili’s journey to nonmonogamy — and how, as a Black woman, she’s navigated the expectations of her family and friends. Then we hear from Haili herself.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	This podcast is supported by FX's Fleischmann is in trouble starring Jesse Eisenberg, Claire
0:05.4	Daines, Lizzie Kaplan, and Adam Brody.
0:08.1	This drama tells the story of recently divorced Toby Fleischmann who dives into the world
0:12.1	of app-based dating with the kind of success he never had in his youth.
0:15.7	Then his ex-wife disappears, leaving him with their two children and no hint of her return.
0:20.5	FX's Fleischmann is in trouble, now streaming only on Hulu.
0:25.8	I had my first boyfriend in sixth grade.
0:30.8	I remember he wore skate shoes, these really puffy skate shoes, and he had hair that was
0:36.1	so long it was impossible to see his eyes.
0:40.4	We met up at the flagpole after school, and I distinctly remember he gave me a fist
0:46.4	bump, and then that was it.
0:49.1	We were girlfriend boyfriend.
0:51.3	By the way, you had to say it like that.
0:53.6	Girlfriend boyfriend, really fast as if it was one word, because we were now one entity.
1:00.0	We were girlfriend boyfriend.
1:02.1	But I remember feeling nervous that we weren't living up to whatever it meant to be girlfriend
1:06.7	boyfriend.
1:08.6	And the pressure got to be too much.
1:10.1	We broke up a few weeks later, which I mean, it was middle school.
1:17.0	From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin, and this is the Modern Love Podcast.
1:23.2	This week's essay is not about middle school, but it is about the pressure of that girlfriend
1:28.2	boyfriend entity.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from The New York Times, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of The New York Times and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.