Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to Unwraffled. In this episode I'm going to be responding

to a parent whose child seems to be having hard time playing more independently and can't

seem to be without the parent when it comes to play. Needs that stimulation.

Before I begin, a little holiday reminder. Have I mentioned my books lately? I'm told

that no bad kids and elevating child care make great stalking stuffers in paperback.

So please check them out on Amazon.

Here's the note I received. Hi, I follow your posts and do a lot of reading, but I'm still

struggling with my three-year-old. She's been this way since she was younger, and I can't

seem to change it or improve it. She just won't play by herself. She always needs my

guidance or stimulation to play. It's driving me crazy as I have a 10-month-old to attend

to, along with a myriad of household things to do. So I'm finding it hard. How do I encourage

self-play? I've tried setting up activities and it never works. Help. Okay, so there are

a couple of things here I think I can help with. First of all, what can happen is we can

sort of create a cycle when we believe that it's our job, and I know I certainly did before

learning about Magdigger was approached to parenting. I believed it was my job to keep

my child entertained and stimulated. And what this does is begins a cycle of our child

believing that they need us to do those things with them, that they can't do them themselves.

That's not the message that we intend, but that can be the message that they get. And also

they just don't have that practice being the one to think of things to do. So it's difficult

for them. And then if we continue to stimulate them and give them direction in terms of play,

even setting up play for them, if they get used to that, then they're going to continue

to receive those same messages from us. Of course, it's a cycle that only we can change.

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