I don't think you can have a good relationship without real strong trust.

It makes for every conversation, every interaction to have friction that you don't need otherwise.

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What I want to talk about today is something that came up for me around a couple session that Sophie and I did.

So we still do some couple sessions here and there for people.

And what came up is something that one way or another ends up happening in a lot of the relationships that we talk about here.

But it was such a present and obvious example.

I like to bring it up. Somebody will connect to the story. We've been working with this couple for a few months. And the way that we do the work is we sign people up for like a small package of sessions on the front end, three to five, something like that. The idea we tell them, Martha, is look, we're going to do the first one or sessions, and you'll feel like things are hitting your stride and you'll kind of take your eye off the ball,

and then inevitably, you'll need another one. A lot of couples, a lot of relationships in general,

we get to this place where, you know, we feel like we're drowning, and then we stabilize the

boat and new water's not coming in, so we go, okay, we're good. And then we forget. We just kind of forget to keep doing the work because it's not that bad. Literally the thing that goes on in our head, well, it's not that bad anymore. So that's what happened with this couple. We did a couple of sessions and then things got much better. Even at the beginning of the session yesterday, the woman in the relationship, the wife said, oh my God, right before this thing happened a couple weeks ago, we were so happy. I was starting to trust them again and all this stuff. And then the breaking point happened in which that gives me two things

that I want to talk about. The first one is the specific instance or the category of the

instance that happened here, which I think is a variant of what happens to a lot of people a lot

of the time. And the second piece is that one about not continuing to do the work as things

get better. Unfortunately, I believe that's one of the most obvious and surefire ways to get to a place

where you're taking water in your boat again. I mean, I'll just take that example farther,

that metaphor. If you're only paying attention when the water's at your

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