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Life Kit

Be a houseguest who gets invited back

Life Kit

NPR

Health & Fitness, Self-improvement, Kids & Family, Education, Business

4.33.9K Ratings

🗓️ 5 August 2025

⏱️ 21 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Whether you're sleeping on your old friend's couch or staying with a family member for a long weekend, we have tips to make sure your presence is a gift and not a chore. What's the ideal amount of time to stay with your host? Should you strip the bed when you leave? When your host says, "Make yourself at home," what does that really mean? In this episode, lifestyle and etiquette expert Elaine Swann answers these questions and more.

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Transcript

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0:00.0

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0:19.5

Make your gift at donate.npr.org.

0:22.7

And thank you.

0:24.1

You're listening to LifeKit.

0:26.4

From NPR.

0:31.8

Hey, it's Mariel.

0:33.5

I have friends and family in a lot of different places, and I like to visit them, which

0:37.7

means I've had a lot of experience staying at other people's houses. I've slept on couches,

0:43.2

in guest bedrooms, on a partly deflated air mattress in a cold, unfinished basement with a

0:49.2

spider hovering above me, in a host's bed with them, we were best friends, and without them.

0:56.5

They insisted. The sleeping situation has really varied, and the expectations of me as a guest

1:02.8

have varied too. When I'm visiting family outside of New York City, they expect me to stay

1:07.8

over, even if we didn't plan for it. And if I ask for permission to, say, use the laundry machine or eat something in the fridge,

1:14.6

it's almost an insult.

1:16.4

Don't you know this is your home, too?

1:18.9

My Casa is Su Casa is baked into our family culture.

1:22.9

Other folks are not into that kind of spontaneity, and they would rather have you ask permission.

1:28.4

They just have more boundaries around their space.

1:31.2

So when it comes to being a good house guest, there are no hard and fast rules.

1:36.6

But Elaine Swan says she can offer some etiquette guidelines.

...

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