Be a Guide, not the Hero: How to Model Empathy, Build Inner Wealth, and Put a Stop to Shame Based Parenting!

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

5 • 643 Ratings

🗓️ 13 January 2021

⏱️ 57 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Are you in need of a parenting upgrade? Even from the most well-intentioned parents, our kids can still walk away from key parenting moments feeling shame, feeling alone, and often, even as we’re trying to teach life lessons, we more often than not end up not only missing an opportunity to show our kids that we’re truly there for them, but we miss key chances to model empathy, ownership of our own behavior and even deeper concepts of compassion, and standing confidently on their own two feet. In today’s episode we attack parenting more from a “what not to do” by referencing Christine Hammond’s article “Shame Based Parenting, A Narcissists Specialty” https://www.psychcentral.com/pro/exhausted-woman/2018/06/shame-based-parenting-a-narcissists-specialty#1 Tony also breaks down the differences of sympathy, empathy, pity and compassion by discussing Dr. Neel Burton’s article “Sympathy vs. Empathy” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201505/empathy-vs-sympathy-Sign up at http://tonyoverbay.com (http://tonyoverbay.com) to learn more about Tony’s upcoming “Magnetic Marriage” program!-This episode of The Virtual Couch is sponsored by http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch) With the continuing “sheltering” rules that are spreading across the country PLEASE do not think that you can’t continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch) can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch) you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your own mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch)offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight.-Please subscribe to The Virtual Couch YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/c/TheVirtualCouchPodcast/ (https://www.youtube.com/c/TheVirtualCouchPodcast/) and sign up at http://tonyoverbay.com (http://tonyoverbay.com) to learn more about Tony’s upcoming “Magnetic Marriage” program!-Tony's FREE parenting course, “Tips For Parenting Positively Even In the Not So Positive Times” is available NOW. Just go to https://www.tonyoverbay.com/courses-2/ (https://www.tonyoverbay.com/courses-2/)and sign up today. This course will help you understand why it can be so difficult to communicate with and understand your children. You’ll learn how to keep your buttons hidden, how to genuinely give praise that will truly build inner wealth in your child, teen, or even in your adult children, and you’ll learn how to move from being “the punisher” to being someone your children will want to go to when they need help.-Tony's new best-selling book "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions" is now available on Kindle. https://amzn.to/38mauBo-Tony Overbay, is the co-author of "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions" now available on Amazon https://amzn.to/33fk0U4 (https://amzn.to/33fk0U4).

Transcript

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0:00.0	In 1909, psychologist Edward Titchener translated the German word Einfueling, which meant feeling into, into English as empathy.
0:09.2	And little did Titchener know that at that time, maybe some 112 years later, this little seven-letter word would cause friends to get angry against friends.
0:17.7	Nations would divide because of a lack of it in my profession.
0:20.6	Marriage is fail because one partner speaks it even in their very bones, while the other person literally doesn't understand what all the fuss is about.
0:27.6	They aren't being mean.
0:28.8	They're just telling it like it is, or the other person is just being too sensitive.
0:32.0	And what happens when this word empathy is never modeled from childhood?
0:36.3	Because one or both parents never had a modeled for
0:39.0	them. Do they even understand the gravity of this simple word empathy? So coming up on today's
0:44.0	episode of the virtual couch, I'm going to talk about what a lack of empathy and parenting
0:47.5	looks like, what it sounds like and why if you lack it, it is time that you learn it. Today
0:53.2	we're going to delve into the world of shame-based parenting, and that may have been the time that you learn it. Today we're going to delve into the world of
0:54.3	shame-based parenting, and that may have been the way that you were raised, but might have been
0:59.4	the way you were parented, but that doesn't mean that you have to continue the pattern.
1:03.6	The data is in, it's pretty darn conclusive, as a matter of fact, building inner wealth,
1:07.3	not reacting to the negative. Building this wealth within your child doesn't mean that you
1:11.3	have to learn the latest slang and shop at some trendy stores at the same stores as your kid as at the
1:16.8	mall. Although, don't get me wrong, especially you fathers out there. Your wardrobe might indeed
1:20.4	need a bit of spritzing up. I know mine certainly does. No positive parenting building inner
1:24.8	wealth, rewarding and energizing success means moving from being
1:27.6	the punisher to the guide. Gone are the days of your child wondering which version of dad or mom
1:32.9	is going to walk in that door because from the view of the child, that is a lot of stress.
	...

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