Two hopeless daters.

One dating app that dares you to swipe right.

The question is, whose love life is more tragic.

It's battle of the Tinder Dates.

It's the dating game show that just pitched Paramount on the modern version of the notebook called the iPad, where Noah can't find the right charging cable in his giant drawer of electronics.

That's so funny!

It's Battle of the Tinder dates, where two of our listeners square off to find out whose love life is the most tragic.

We'll explain the rules in just a second, but first, let's meet today's contestants.

In this corner, his favorite first, let's meet today's contestants.

In this corner, his favorite first date activity is playing tug of war, then tandem-licking peanut butter out of a giant rubber ball.

That's why they call him Marmaduke Lou.

Hey, guys, that's me.

You're dating humans, right?

You don't have to answer that, Luke.

And in the other corner, after spending a night with a woman,

he enjoys sitting down and writing a heartfelt apology letter for what just happened.

So let's meet Fountain Pen Ben.

You're actually sorry, Ben.

It wouldn't have happened in the first place, okay?

Here's how the game works.

One contestant's going to start by telling one of their worst dating stories.

The other will try and come back to counter with a nightmare story of their own.

...