Barb & The Raging, Critical, Coercive Controller

Narcissist Apocalypse: Patterns of Abuse

Abuse Survivor Network

Relationships, Society & Culture, Education, Self-improvement, True Crime

4.7 • 796 Ratings

🗓️ 26 July 2026

⏱️ 97 minutes

🔗️ Recording | Apple Podcasts | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode of Narcissist Apocalypse, Barb shares the story of surviving a 22-year marriage to a raging, critical, coercive controller. Raised in purity culture and taught that a wife should defer to her husband, Barb believed she had found the man God intended for her when she met a charismatic church leader while living abroad. His confidence, painful childhood, inspiring words, and welcoming family made him appear safe. However, the early love bombing soon became a push-pull cycle of affection withdrawal, criticism, humiliation, and sudden rage that left Barb constantly trying to regain his approval. After they married, the control expanded into nearly every part of Barb’s life. He criticized her appearance, language, parenting, emotions, rest, and personality while using religion, money, sexual coercion, intimidation, and threats involving their children to keep her trapped. Barb learned to watch his facial expressions for signs of an approaching rage, silence herself in public, and remain productive whenever he was nearby. She explains how therapy, documenting the abuse, and accepting that she could not make him change helped her finally leave, return to the United States with her sons, rebuild her career, and create a peaceful life where she is free to be herself.

Transcript

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0:00.0	On this episode of Narcissist Apocalypse, we talk with an abuse survivor named Barb, and Barb was married to a critical coercive controller.
0:10.0	It's a story of gaslighting, rage, withholding, financial control, isolation, and survival mode.
0:37.3	Music isolation and survival mode. Welcome to Narcissist Apocalypse, everyone.
0:43.2	I am Brandon Chattowick, and with me today, we have Barb.
0:48.0	How are you?
0:49.6	I'm doing pretty well.
0:50.6	How are you?
0:51.6	I am doing well.
0:53.0	Thank you for asking. And if you want to be a guest
0:55.5	like Barb is today, please do go to our website at Narcissistapocalypse.com. Fill out our guest
1:01.2	form and we will go from there. Also at our website, we have a support group with Zoom meetings
1:06.0	every Wednesday nights, Thursday afternoons, and Saturday nights. And we have a newsletter at our website where you get a
1:11.6	free reflection workbook for every new survivor story. And that is a weekly newsletter, all at
1:17.6	Narcissistapocalypse.com. And we do have a content warning for this episode as we do discuss
1:23.5	physical abuse and sexual coercion, sexual abuse in this episode, as well as there's also
1:28.9	channeling of the abuser's voice in this episode. So that is your content warning for today.
1:36.9	And today you're going to hear Barb's story. And there's so much that happened in her story that I feel
1:42.9	like the earlier description really does not do it justice.
1:46.3	I think you'll be hearing so many different tactics in this episode.
1:50.6	You'll find validation in so many parts of Barb's story.
1:54.9	I think of Barb's story as a whole looking at her abuser and how they acted.
2:00.4	The word that comes to my mind is dehumanization.
	...

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