Attachment Annoyance, Aromanticism, and Break-In Trauma
Psychology In Seattle Podcast
Kirk Honda
4.5 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 19 January 2026
⏱️ 58 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/KIRK to get 10% off your first month.
00:00 Why is secure attachment presented as preferential?
24:57 Is there any evidence that humans are wired for long term partnership?
46:29 What has helped Dr. Honda recover from break-in trauma?
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Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey, to Zerva listeners, I thought I would answer some of your emails. This first email is from |
| 0:06.5 | listener Adam from Pittsburgh. He writes, hi, Dr. Honda. Recently, I have been reading about |
| 0:13.2 | attachment theory, and something about the way it is presented rubs me the wrong way. It seems to present stable attachments and secure attachment |
| 0:25.0 | style as not having any real downsides. And on the other hand, having an anxious or avoidant |
| 0:31.6 | attachment style as having a lot of problems and not a lot of upsides. Is it possible that the labels for attachment |
| 0:39.8 | styles, anxious, avoidance, stable, have biased the study of attachment theory. Is it possible |
| 0:47.2 | that the labels for attachment styles have biased the study of attack? Oh, I see. If there are |
| 0:54.1 | upsides to be anxious or avoid an attachment what are they |
| 0:58.2 | what are some of the downsides to being stably attached thanks and of email okay so |
| 1:07.3 | i am i you're uh you're asking some good questions. |
| 1:13.3 | And if I could talk with you, we could have a back and forth. |
| 1:16.7 | But as it is, I just have to answer without having that back and forth. |
| 1:24.1 | And this is, I think, part of the problem with TikTok and with pop psychology that we're always looking for upsides in everything when, so, okay, let's review the email again. |
| 1:45.7 | Recently, I've been reading a lot about attachment theory and something about the way it has presented rubs me the wrong way. |
| 1:51.0 | Okay. |
| 1:53.3 | So given what rubs you the wrong way about secure attachment being presented as not having a lot of downsides and about insecure attachment |
| 2:03.9 | styles having a lot of problems and not having a lot of upsides. That's what rubs you the wrong way. |
| 2:09.4 | I would really be curious as to what it is about that that rubs you the wrong way. |
| 2:13.3 | But as it is, we just have to move forward. |
| 2:15.9 | And then you say, the attachment theory seems to present secure attachment |
| 2:21.5 | as not having any real downsides and insecure attachment having a lot of problems and not |
| 2:26.9 | a lot of upsides. |
... |
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