All right, guys, we have an ask episode today, so let's hear from our caller.

Hi there, I'm just wondering why does my significant other struggle to apologize when I am telling them that my feelings are hurt or they've done something to upset me or hurt me.

How can I help them? How can I help myself in these situations?

All right. So let's break this question up into three pieces. I think she asked three questions

altogether. So why do some people not apologize is basically the first question. Even though

he sees that you're hurt, why is he not apologizing? And then we'll answer the other two,

which is how can you help yourself

and how can you help him? All right. This is actually something that happens a lot with a lot of

couples that we work with. Apology is just not modeled by some parents and people feel really lost in marriage trying to figure it out.

But essentially, and I remember looking back at our own marriage, especially early on,

I married a wonderfully, just a wonderful woman, but she had opinions that weren't my own and we disagreed and

i remember um feeling like chrissa would start crying and she'd use her tears to try to win the

argument i know that's super immature but that's how it felt to me. I'd see the tears and go,

oh, there she goes, trying to manipulate and try to make me cave. And so then I would double down

and put up my walls and, you know, not move toward her. So in this, he has to realize that no one wins an argument.

There are only losers when someone's trying to win. So we have to take it out of the win-lose

category. That would be my first little tip here for him if he's listening.

Hey dude, she's not trying to win by crying.

She's expressing hurt.

And when someone's hurt, you have to go and give them a hug or comfort them before we could try to figure the argument out.

So you mentioned, Babe, that he probably didn't see repair modeled well in his home growing up.

And I would agree that's probably one of the whys when you ask why does he not apologize.

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