Welcome to the awesome marriage podcast. I'm your co-host, Christina Dodson. This is an Ask

Dr. Kim segment where people submit their questions for Dr. Kim Kim, and he answers them.

Thanks for listening. Today on Ask Dr. Kim, the question is, my spouse is just too hard on themselves.

How can I help them? I think a lot of people struggle

with this where you're just really hard on yourself. And the problem with this is when our spouse

has a problem, it's our problem too, right? It really does just permeate and affects everything

and affects our marriage because we are one and we are one flesh. And so it just touches a lot

of areas. So Dr. Cam, why are certain people so hard on themselves?

Where do you think this comes from?

You know, it probably can come from a whole lot of places.

Certainly it could come from their family of origin.

If growing up, their parents were really perfectionist and they put a lot on them.

And they felt like they had to measure up all the time

and then they felt short if you know felt bad if they didn't or they didn't get their parent's

affection so i see people in counseling i've seen that really goes back to some of those roots like

that i think sometimes just in some time in our life that our our self-image was affected in some way

and so we try to overcome that with being perfect. And yet we

can't do that. So I think it's, and then some people I think are just, they're driven that way.

It's like they set high standards, the perfectionists. They want to do their best at everything

that they do. And then when they fall short a little bit, they're so hard on themselves.

You know, I've had people I've

worked with that just do a great job and they'll have all kinds of things in their work or the

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