Welcome to the awesome marriage podcast. I'm your co-host, Christina Dodson. This is an Ask

Dr. Kim segment where people submit their questions for Dr. Kim Kim, and he answers them.

Thanks for listening. Today on Ask Dr. Kim, the question is, my wife is constantly tearing

me down, but says she's joking. What do do i do so this person has a wife that's just

constantly kind of joking with them but making fun of them but obviously it's hurting their feelings

dr kem how can he tell her that her jokes hurt him and really get rude of her yeah because she may

not be hearing it or maybe she thinks your guy you should be able to take it and everything you the tool, one of the tools we've used a lot is called stop, look, listen.

I think it's a great time to do that because it's a tool to help you communicate something to your spouse that maybe they haven't understood in the past or you want to make sure they understand.

And the simple thing is you've got to find a time, but just the two of you are alone and no distractions.

You've stopped everything else,

you sit where you're face-to-face, so you can look in each other's eyes, and then you ask your

spouse, just listen to what I'm saying, and then tell me what you heard and see and begin that

process where they can begin to understand. Maybe she's just kind of blown it off. Maybe this is

something her mom did with her dad and her dad thought

it was funny and it went a big deal. And so she's not taking it serious. But being able to talk

from your heart and for her to get to keep in that dialogue until she comes to an understanding

of how it really does hurt him and knowing that, I mean, if she intentionally wants to hurt him,

then you need to go counseling. You've got a whole

another deal. But if it's just something that she has just kind of not really looked at the depth of

what that does to him, that gives you an opportunity to do that and resolve that together. And that

would, I would say it would be the first step is just try to try to do that. And then, of course, if that doesn't work and say, can we go counseling?

And okay, maybe I'm totally off base. Let's go get a third person's opinion and something like that.

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