Are You “Doing the Work” or Just Performing It? with Therapist Rebecca Marcus
Seeing Other People
Ilana Dunn
4.5 • 608 Ratings
🗓️ 18 November 2025
⏱️ 57 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Therapist Rebecca Marcus, LCSW, is back to talk about what it actually means to “do the work” in your love life. We unpack why awareness alone isn’t enough to break old patterns, how to tell the difference between real growth and just performing self-improvement, what to do if you’re doing everything “right” but still feel lonely, and whether it’s possible to over-communicate to the point it kills the spark. Rebecca also shares how she met her husband through a matchmaking platform and the advice she got back when she was looking for love. Follow Rebecca on Instagram @rm.psychotherapy and visit rmpsychotherapy.com if you're interested in working with Rebecca or joining one of her dating and breakup groups!
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Rebecca Marcus, welcome back to seeing other people. Thank you so much, Alana. I'm happy to be here. |
| 0:08.2 | So happy to have you. It's been a little over like a year and a half and we're finally doing this in person. |
| 0:13.7 | Yeah. After a quick little hello that we had of meeting IRL earlier this summer, which was wonderful. |
| 0:23.0 | But really excited to have you. I got a lot of great feedback from my audience after our last episode. And you are a therapist. You're a |
| 0:28.8 | licensed clinical social worker. I am so curious. Like last time we talked about, you know, |
| 0:34.0 | building confidence and overcoming dating anxiety. What are the majority of your |
| 0:39.6 | clients coming to you saying like, this is what I'm struggling with? Like what are the common |
| 0:45.1 | themes that you're really seeing amongst your, I imagine, Gen Z, millennial women that you speak to? |
| 0:50.8 | Yeah. So I kind of see a mix of people that are single and dating and people |
| 0:56.2 | that are maybe in relationships. And so I find from the single and dating and looking, there can be |
| 1:01.9 | sometimes like a discouragement or like fatigue around going out with guys that aren't the right fit |
| 1:09.1 | or not knowing other places to meet people |
| 1:12.8 | besides dating apps. |
| 1:16.1 | With people that are now thankfully in relationships that maybe came to me initially when |
| 1:20.5 | they were dating and now they're in relationship. |
| 1:22.9 | I think it's sort of that realization. |
| 1:25.4 | I think we talked about it last time that there's still like ongoing work and communication and like stuff that's going to come up and how to |
| 1:33.3 | navigate that and also continuing to still like take care of yourself in a relationship. |
| 1:39.2 | Yeah. |
| 1:39.5 | 100%. |
| 1:40.2 | Okay. So I finally picked up a dawn of chaos and Fury by Melissa K. Rouric, and I need to talk about it because this series completely pulled me out of my reading slump. |
| 1:53.6 | It's one of those worlds that makes you fall back in love with reading. This is the fourth and final book in the legacy series, and what I love about it is |
... |
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