Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about talking to your partner about finances. It can be a touchy subject for some

couples, especially when unexpected things come up, like losing

your job, or if you're suddenly hit with a big pile of medical bills, or maybe you're coming

into a relationship with a ton of debt, no matter what the situation is. There's no right or wrong

way to navigate how this could make you and your partner feel. They're just real

emotions that sometimes defy logic and need to be identified, processed, and shared without

blaming your partner. So before you point fingers, keep in mind that arguments about money

aren't really about money. They're about your dreams, fears, and insecurities.

And that means money has a deeper meaning than any dollar value. It all goes back to your

childhood and your family background and the role it all plays in your happiness. The first step in

talking about finances as a couple is understanding and communicating your different perspectives.

Then take a look at how your emotions affect your discussions and ways of dealing with financial decisions. It's important

to be transparent about money and your history with it, even though it might be hard. Share the

complete picture. Talk about purchases, assets, and debts, and ask tough questions like, how much student

loan or credit card debt are you carrying, and at what interest rate? Do you have any retirement

accounts? How much are you contributing? And ask about any plans to make a big purchase, like maybe a

new car. After you bear it all, work together

to create a shared financial vision. Talking about and writing down your financial goals will build

trust between you and your partner if you do it thoughtfully and respectfully. Taking time to process

your financial dreams of maybe buying a house or setting up a college fund for your kid can bring you closer.

...