Happy Tuesday, everyone.

Two-thirds of Democrats now view socialism positively.

The remaining third are waiting in line for bread.

Two FEMA employees were fired for watching porn while at work.

In their defense, the movie was called Hurricane Katrina.

And a lot of things got blown.

Actor Michael Kane is coming out of retirement at age 92, and he says with some old age

makeup, he's ready for the lead in the Joe Biden story.

Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker said illegal migrants are our neighbors and friends.

He followed up by saying, and they can keep a secret when I ask them to bathe me in a car wash.

It's possible.

Earlier today, Apple CEO Tim Cook introduced the new iPhone 17.

Mm, 17.

I'll take two, said one man.

Apparently, thieves are walking into hotels to eat the free breakfast and getting away with it.

According to witnesses, they often travel in groups of five.

According to a new study, Gen Z has an attention span of eight seconds, which means they won't even remember what I just said.

So basically, I can say any punchline I want.

Joy Behar is a fat cow.

See?

Thank you, Gen Z.

Even though she told people she won, Stacey Abrams claims she was never confused about losing the governor's race in Georgia.

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