Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about being a good teammate.

So what team are you on?

We're not talking about your work team on the job or your weekend game with your pals on the good volley Miss Molly volleyball team.

Nope. We're talking about your relationship. Think about it. Are you on the same team as your partner?

When you have a disagreement or even just a discussion, whose side are you really on? Are you adversaries facing off across the

kitchen table, both keeping score on what each of you said and how you said it? Do you constantly

point out that your partner's mistakes or what you perceive as their wrong perspectives, thinking

you have all the answers? Or are you and your partner committed to always being there for each

other, no matter what the issue or problem, supporting each other, gentle with each other's

thoughts and feelings, and working together, side by side, towards the same goal when the going gets

tough? Well, if that's the case, bravo. You're probably playing on the same team. But let's get

specific. What does being on the same team look like in a relationship? First of all, it means you

show up, all of you, with an open heart and a listening ear, no matter what the challenge or issue.

It means respecting and supporting your partner's decisions and perspectives, even if you have a different point of view. You let them know

you'll be there for them, standing by their side, no matter the outcome, positive or negative.

It means cheering them on when things go right, and never, ever saying those four

destructive words, I told you so if things go wrong, but instead working together to find a way

to the other side of disappointment. It means giving them, day by day, one of the greatest gifts

of all, knowing they are never alone with you by their side.

So make a decision today, an actual conscious decision, that you and your partner will always be on the same team.

In your mind, imagine wearing the same jersey, signifying your commitment to the home team.

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