Welcome to the total soccer show and our review of the Champions League League phase, colon the phasening match day three.

In which Liverpool returned to winning ways, while by Levikusen had seen better days.

Arsenal took apart the side coached by Diego Simeone while Napoli were utter baloney.

By Munich still looked frightening, Real Madrid's continental form is enlightening.

Chelsea delivered five fatal blows and Newcastle's wins saw an assist from a throw.

My name's Ryan Bailey.

Joining me today, it's your friend, it's my friend, it's Continental Taylor Rock or Hello, Taylor. Hello, Ryan Bailey. I don't know why I made that my continental voice. Lovely to speak to you. I loved your introduction. I did get lost for a moment trying to decide if the phasinging day three is a horror franchise or a Fast and the Furious franchise. It's one of the other and then also somehow the Champions League.

Why not both? Why not all three? That's what I know. Things are all getting amalgamated into one another these days, Taylor, so let's all just have one big homogenous Fast and Furious Champions

League horror movie. That's what I say. There we go. Someone just greenlit that somewhere.

Excellent. We've done it again.

Joe Lowry, hello. How are you? I'm great, Ryan. I truly love the introductions that you do for these kinds of shows. I don't know if you feel comfortable peeling back the curtain. How long did it take you to write that? It would take me hours. Would it be arrogant to say less than five minutes? Not at all. That is very, very impressive. to know, to know, like, enough of what happened in the games to have key moments to rhyme about and to be able to rhyme that quickly. I'm just so impressed. I loved it. Thank you, Joe. I'm very proud of Bologna and Simione this week. You should. That was my fit. That was the best bit. You read about that. Now, you did have, you did have ghostwriting assistance from your two rhyme butlers, correct?

You don't have rhyme butlers?

Sir, that's a near rhyme, not an accurate rhyme.

That won't do.

All right. Hello, Gary and Ruffin, how are you?

I'm very well, Ryan Bailey.

Looking forward to talking about all 71 goals that were scored in the Champions League this week, which was a record in the new format for a single match week. I presume you've got detailed notes on all of them. I know you couldn't quite fit them into your introductory rhyme, but I presume that detail is coming in this episode. My first draft was actually a ranking of all 43 goals from Tuesday night, but I sort of scrapped that because I got to about 27 and gave up. Keep that for the pitch. There were some really good goals, though. We're going to obviously get to that in this episode. They better be if there were 71. Some of them better be good. Weirdly, weirdly, they were 71. They were all just kind of mediocre. Like're all just, eh. Yeah. Like a dark coin hat trick. Do people have a favorite one? Like the jumps out right away? Yeah. It's the, uh, the Dortmund Nemetcher one is the one for me where he hits it at 500 miles an hour and it comes out of the neck because he hit it so hard. That's for me. And it's middle of the goal like the goalkeeper still has no chance brilliant i enjoyed the neck pope ball out because i don't think i've ever seen a goal like that before but we might talk about that a little bit later on yeah i like the ricardo peppy tapping for me i thought that was just spectacular that was the standout number one so good so good his assist was even better i mean that quality. We'll talk about it later. Let's do it. Alex Garcia for me, the top bands,

top quality.

We'll talk about it later.

Let's do it.

Alex Garcia for me. The top bins, top corner, the hit, the smash, the placement, all beautiful. Excellent. We'll get to all that in this episode. Before we get there, patreon.com slash total soccer show is the best way to support us. you'll get bonus episodes, bonus video and access to our Discord server.

All the cool kids hanging out in there.

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