Hi guys, it's Rach and this is a quick word on enabling.

It's not a fun topic, especially if you are someone who has not realized yet that you are

actually making them worse.

I think that if you come from an environment, if you come from a childhood where you were

required to take on more than you should have at the age that you were.

If you were required to take care of a parent who was struggling, if you were given too

much responsibility, if you were forced to raise yourself, all of these things are deeply

unfair but happen to children all over the world and maybe some of you watching this right

now.

And this can have lasting effects in a lot of ways but one of the most dangerous that

doesn't seem dangerous at the time is that now your identity is wrapped up in being

a fixer or your identity is wrapped up in you being the one that can save somebody

else.

We get the identity in our family as the one who can solve the problems, the one who

can fix the thing and then it becomes self identity.

I think this happens for women especially because we're taught to be helpers, we're taught

that good girls take care of their family, take care of grandma and grandpa, show up for

our parents, do the things that traditionally boys are not asked to do.

And this continues to grow and augment and become something bigger and bigger until you

have this whole generation or many, many generations of people who have been taught to cut off

what we actually need to cut off this self knowing of how to care for ourselves because

we're so used to taking care of everybody else.

...